Salix Herbacea Puns

I suppose this is a plead for help, so I'm willing to try anything at this point.

Hi! I struggle with extremely dry skin all over my face, especially my eyelids, temple, jaw and neck. It's extremely painful. It's all over my body too, but it's maintainable on my body. I was born with eczema and I am missing some moisturising elements in the build up for my skin, so I have to keep on top of my skin every day, morning and night and often midday if it begins to tighten and crumble. I have never had a proper skincare routine until recently (which I will explain later in my post). I find that when normally applying moisturiser regularly and nothing else, despite my skin looking and feeling smooth, my makeup looks crumbly underneath, even if it isn't. I've used numerous hydrating primers and nothing can hide or relieve the underlying dryness of my skin. My skin also frequently rejects my usual moisturisers and decide they're not nourishing enough. I believe I must have very dry sensitive skin from this.

Here's what I have used in the past and have worked for me or haven't:

Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream for Face, Body & Hands - Aqua, Glycerin, Paraffinum Liquidum, Myristyl Alcohol, Butylene Glycol, Alcohol Denat, Stearic Acid, Myristyl Myristate, Cera Microcristallina, Glyceryl Stearate, Hydrogenated Coco-Glycerides, Simmondsia Chinensis Seed Oil, Tocopheryl Acetate, Lanolin Alcohol (Eucerit®), Polyglyceryl-2 Caprate, Dimethicone, Sodium Carbomer, Phenoxyethanol, Linalool, Citronellol, Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone, Butylphenyl Methylpropional, Limonene, Benzyl Alcohol, Benzyl Salicylate, Parfum

Nivea has always been my go-to as it's the best for my skin. It doesn't provide me with full moisture but it helps me get by. It's probably the one product my skin doesn't reject frequently.

Aveeno Skin Relief Moisturising Lotion for Very Dry Skin - [PR-001331], Aqua, Glycerin, Distearyldimonium Chloride, Petrolatum, Isopropyl Palmitate, Cetyl Alcohol, Dimethicone, Avena Sativa Kernel Flour, Avena Sativa Kernel Oil, Avena Sativa Kerne

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap