Want Two Puns

A list of puns related to "Want Two"

I've got two Sooty and Sweep puppets I no longer need. I don't want anything for them,

just need someone to take them off my hands!

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/DaveSlaz
📅︎ Oct 31 2022
🚨︎ report
I want to quit my job of loading and unloading ship containers for two reasons

  1. My boss harbours some kinda grudge against me.

  2. He docks my pay because of it. Not to mention the constant pier pressure from my colleagues to nick things from the containers

👍︎ 19
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👤︎ u/jeevesfan
📅︎ Jul 25 2022
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Doctor: I want you to take the green pill with a glass of water at breakfast, the blue pill with two glasses of water at lunch, and the red pill with a glass of water at night.

Patient: So what's my problem?

Doctor: You aren't drinking enough water.

👍︎ 36
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👤︎ u/EndersGame_Reviewer
📅︎ Sep 20 2022
🚨︎ report
I came home to find two guys stealing my gate but I didn’t want to say anything in case...

...they took a fence.

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/808gecko808
📅︎ Jul 21 2022
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Why didn’t two want to play with one

One was odd

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/Madmax-imus
📅︎ Apr 19 2022
🚨︎ report
When I die I want to be buried in two coffins attached side by side.

That way I can comfortably turn over in my grave.

👍︎ 30
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👤︎ u/eman00619
📅︎ Sep 21 2021
🚨︎ report
"I want two new wipers for my Renault" I said to the shop assisstant

He replied "that's a good trade"

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/MJGUHD
📅︎ May 18 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife brought me two kayak paddles and asked, "Which one do you want?"

I said, "I'll take either/oar."

👍︎ 21
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👤︎ u/moses10960
📅︎ Sep 19 2018
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Two melons want to get married...

But they can't elope.

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/LeeHarvey1963
📅︎ Mar 18 2019
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Vegetarians claim to want nothing to do with meat but every day they walk around on two calves.
👍︎ 37
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👤︎ u/snowdaruma
📅︎ Jul 09 2019
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The bartender said " you have an empty glass, do you want another one?" Why would i want two empty glasses
👍︎ 126
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👤︎ u/eternalrocket
📅︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Two Europeans walk into a strip club in America. The bouncer asks “You want the smoking or non-smoking area?”

“Oh we want the hottest girls you got”

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/ChrisCGCToo
📅︎ Jul 21 2019
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I want my two cents back...

...It's just my two cents.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/hellABunk
📅︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
So you want to tie two pieces of string together?

I think knot.

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/GI_gino
📅︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Want to hear two short jokes and a long one?

Joke joke ooooonnnnneeeee

👍︎ 166
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👤︎ u/ImReallyBoard
📅︎ Feb 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."

The second doctor responds, "Suture self."

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/bruce_lees_ghost
📅︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Two Saudi Arabians wanted to go on a trip. The guy asks his friend "Want to go South?" He replied "Yemen."
👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/AnotherNihm
📅︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
"I want two new wheels for my Ferrari" I said to the shop asisstant

He replied "that's a good trade'

👍︎ 194
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👤︎ u/nuttshaw_
📅︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report

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