The umpire at my son's baseball game kept wandering around the field and was eventually knocked out by a stray ball.

It was the fall of the roamin' umpire.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wandering nun?

A "roamin" Catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 375
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mspt1500
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I had been lost in Las Vegas for days, wandering the streets. Up ahead, I thought I saw my hotel...

But it was a Mirage...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?

She was a roman catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a goose with β€œwandering eyes?”

A gandering gander

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gardeningnovice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Two very hungry men were wandering the desert when they see a bacon tree.

One runs up to eat the bacon, when all of the sudden he starts getting shot at from out of nowhere. He yells to his friend, "watch out! It's not a bacon tree. It's a hambush!"

*Borrowed from a friend who is very much dad material.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phizzwizard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wandering caveman?

A meanderthal.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PRTYSHRT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Wandering the fruit aisle, looking for Peach.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Ever heard the wandering nun joke?

There's always a Roamin Catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeoTheSpiderboy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I found the pope wandering around in my yard...

he said he was just ROME-ing around!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PugMage101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Was wandering around San Fran when I happened to run into the building I'll be working in all week...

When I called my parents and told them I found it during my walk, my dad told me, "Well I hope you didn't get hurt!" ....thanks dad.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2014
🚨︎ report
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana.

The steaks have never been so high…

πŸ‘︎ 365
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My herd of cows got loose and wandered into a field of Marijuana

The stakes have never been so high

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/judahthelion014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you ever wandered why it takes the President so long to complete a sentence when he speaks?

I guess he’s just Biden his time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Play2Win1776
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.

The dispatcher replied, β€œSo... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
At my school, there's a large lizard that wanders the halls all day.

It's a hall monitor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huuhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
If I were to wander around Italy...

Would that make me Roman?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A very honest dad and his son accidentally wander into a strip club.

A prostitute goes to the dad, and he notices her coming his way. He quickly closes his son's eyes.

Son: Dad, what was that woman wearing?

Dad: Uhh, nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turuu_Was_Taken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Italians make great wanderers?

Because they're Roman.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockstorm8232
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
People who wander around are not crazy

They’re nomads

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedoras4furries
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Noah's berries.

It's not well known that among the species of plants taken aboard Noah's Ark was a very odd berry. This berry had a special property where if you ate too few at once they would be sour, but if you ate too many at once they would be bitter. Even stranger was that the right number of berries to eat at once for perfect sweetness was different for each person.

Shem would never take enough berries and would complain every time "Ugh! These berries are so sour! Why did we bring these plants?" Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat a couple more in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Ham would always take too many berries and would complain every time "Ick! These berries are so bitter! I'd like to toss the plants overboard." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat fewer in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Japeth would grab a random amount and whenever they were bitter or sour he'd complain "Why do these berries never taste the same? We should let the animals eat the plants so we don't have to eat the silly berries." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you should remember how many berries taste the best."

After a couple of weeks of this, Noah announced "I'm taking charge of portioning the berries. I've made notes of how many of them taste the best for me, my wife, all of you my sons, and your wives. At meals I'll give each of you the correct amount, and NO MORE COMPLAINTS!"

Another week passed and Japeth wanted some berries to take the edge off his hunger, but rather than wander all over the whole ark looking for his father he asked Emzara "Where's dad? I'd like some berries before lunch."

Emzara pointed to the storeroom and said "I thought you were tired of the berries? But there's Noah, counting for taste."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreggAlan
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A drunk man eating chips wanders into a monastery

While wandering around he bumps into a old man in robes cooking.

With a grin the drunk man asks β€œAre you the fish friar?”

β€œNo brother” he replied β€œI’m the chip monk”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exhious
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person in prehistoric times that wanders around aimlessly?

A Meanderthal

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerdub1993
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My cows like to wander

so I herd.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/POCKALEELEE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A bunch of cows wandered onto a cannabis field

The steaks were high

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the hospital say to the man with 100% of his left side missing?

The doctor says β€œHe’s alright” The nurse follows β€œThere’s nothing left!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-t-k
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?

A romaine Catholic priest.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nomad philosopher say?

I wander.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaChima
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pope that wanted to be a ninja?

He was a blessing in disguise

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My Roomba accidentally wandered outside my house, and all the animals started viciously attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A DAD WHEN…

β€’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.

β€’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.

β€’ you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.

β€’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.

β€’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.

β€’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL about Arda Djoques, a homeless woman in Baltimore who wandered into a school and pretended to be a substitute teacher for two weeks. Despite great reviews from her peers, when the school found out, she was forcefully thrown to the street.

Oops, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does a dock master check wander out onto the docks? To be amongst his piers.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trajanman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of bee wanders the earth as an undead being?

A zombee.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch3000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!

Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"

"Yes you are"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sint__Maarten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hopeless romantic who wanders the countryside?

Roam-eo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RhynoCTR
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
If Wonder Woman walks around aimlessly, she is

Wander Woman.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madforfeijoa
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Curious

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander Woman

πŸ‘︎ 279
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?

She was a roman catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wandering caveman?

A Meanderthal!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OverZealousPasta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wandering caveman?

A meanderthal

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jammerfish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wandering caveman?

A Meanderthal

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jammerfish
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wandering nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnioros
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wandering caveman?

A meanderthal!

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ben767676
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
🚨︎ report
If I were to wander around in Italy...

Would I be roamin'?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dagoldenalpaca
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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