It was the fall of the roamin' umpire.
A "roamin" Catholic.
But it was a Mirage...
She was a roman catholic.
A gandering gander
One runs up to eat the bacon, when all of the sudden he starts getting shot at from out of nowhere. He yells to his friend, "watch out! It's not a bacon tree. It's a hambush!"
*Borrowed from a friend who is very much dad material.
A meanderthal.
There's always a Roamin Catholic.
he said he was just ROME-ing around!
When I called my parents and told them I found it during my walk, my dad told me, "Well I hope you didn't get hurt!" ....thanks dad.
The steaks have never been so highβ¦
The stakes have never been so high
I guess heβs just Biden his time.
The dispatcher replied, βSo... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?β
It's a hall monitor.
Would that make me Roman?
A prostitute goes to the dad, and he notices her coming his way. He quickly closes his son's eyes.
Son: Dad, what was that woman wearing?
Dad: Uhh, nothing.
Because they're Roman.
Theyβre nomads
It's not well known that among the species of plants taken aboard Noah's Ark was a very odd berry. This berry had a special property where if you ate too few at once they would be sour, but if you ate too many at once they would be bitter. Even stranger was that the right number of berries to eat at once for perfect sweetness was different for each person.
Shem would never take enough berries and would complain every time "Ugh! These berries are so sour! Why did we bring these plants?" Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat a couple more in a mouthful to make them sweet."
Ham would always take too many berries and would complain every time "Ick! These berries are so bitter! I'd like to toss the plants overboard." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat fewer in a mouthful to make them sweet."
Japeth would grab a random amount and whenever they were bitter or sour he'd complain "Why do these berries never taste the same? We should let the animals eat the plants so we don't have to eat the silly berries." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you should remember how many berries taste the best."
After a couple of weeks of this, Noah announced "I'm taking charge of portioning the berries. I've made notes of how many of them taste the best for me, my wife, all of you my sons, and your wives. At meals I'll give each of you the correct amount, and NO MORE COMPLAINTS!"
Another week passed and Japeth wanted some berries to take the edge off his hunger, but rather than wander all over the whole ark looking for his father he asked Emzara "Where's dad? I'd like some berries before lunch."
Emzara pointed to the storeroom and said "I thought you were tired of the berries? But there's Noah, counting for taste."
While wandering around he bumps into a old man in robes cooking.
With a grin the drunk man asks βAre you the fish friar?β
βNo brotherβ he replied βIβm the chip monkβ
A Meanderthal
The steaks were high
The doctor says βHeβs alrightβ The nurse follows βThereβs nothing left!
A romaine Catholic priest.
I wander.
He was a blessing in disguise
Nature abhors a vacuum.
β’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
β’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure youβll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
β’ you change your carβs oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
β’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
β’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
β’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
Oops, wrong sub.
A zombee.
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
Roam-eo.
Wander Woman.
A guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
Wander Woman
She was a roman catholic.
A Meanderthal!
A meanderthal
A Meanderthal
A roamin' Catholic.
A meanderthal!
Would I be roamin'?
