Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ranjanatharva
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."

(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?

A flamingstop.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won't admit she framed me.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicoCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...

He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curioushom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

Long time fan, first time poster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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People keep telling me to stop putting up walls

So I got real defensive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karrathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.

I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yankee9Niner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall?

Dam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spudfox64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What did the painting say to the wall?

I’ve got you covered!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACommentInTheWind
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-

2021

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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While swimming around, a fish hits its head on a wall and then yells out...

"Dam!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tombiepoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Walmart’s onn brand of tv wall mounts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XboxLiveGiant
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.

I thought to myself, β€œThat’s a little condescending.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.

β€œWhat are you doing, dad?”

I sigh a long, heavy sigh.

β€œNot much, just feeling board.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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why did the hunter shoot the map on the wall?

He saw a Turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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What’s a Wall Street farmer’s favorite thing to invest in?

Corn Stocks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Someone's used indelible pen to scribble a picture of a dog on my wall!

It's a Sharpei.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gil-Gandel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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What is a guy with no arms, no legs, to the wall?

Art.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littenbittentreb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here. reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KORZILLA-is-me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.

This is because of a-coo-sticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...

She said β€œwhat are you doing? What is that noise?” I said β€œI’ve been screwing around behind your back.” She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.

I found it way more entertaining then she did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthritictongue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...

Smoking is such a turn off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My one new years resolution was to start to use my Velcro wall more.

So far I'm sticking to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdollard333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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What did one wall say to another?

''Let's meet at the corner''

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saiyyanwarrior
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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I have an Irish friend with a great personality that always bounces off the walls.

His name is Rick O’Shea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-polymath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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What did the fish say when it hit a brick wall?

Dam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TugBoatAugust
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsrigdic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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What did the wall say to the painting?

I’ve got your back!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACommentInTheWind
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?

Dam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gawdmode69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I saw a midget climbing down the prison wall the other day

It was a little condescending

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieFoxtrot432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/molzo92
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall today...

I thought that was a little condescending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theguy617
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?

Dam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.

Thought to myself, β€œthat’s a little condescending”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/giacal3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall

Dam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.

I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeispunk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

β€œDam”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigE7869
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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I just saw a dwarf climbing down the wall of a prison.

I thought to myself... β€œthat’s a little condescending”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanioEire
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Did you here about the dwarf climbing over the wall to escape prison?

He fell!

It was a little condescending.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Othon1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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What did fish say when it hit the wall?

Damn!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ringless_Gyges
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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