Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
I know this is an old one, but my dad got me with this when I was a kid and I just used it on my son (he loved it): Why do they put walls around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
People keep telling me to stop putting up walls
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall?
What did the painting say to the wall?
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-
While swimming around, a fish hits its head on a wall and then yells out...
Walmart’s onn brand of tv wall mounts.
Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, “That’s a little condescending.”
I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.
“What are you doing, dad?”
I sigh a long, heavy sigh.
“Not much, just feeling board.”
why did the hunter shoot the map on the wall?
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
What’s a Wall Street farmer’s favorite thing to invest in?
Someone's used indelible pen to scribble a picture of a dog on my wall!
What is a guy with no arms, no legs, to the wall?
Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here.
reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...
She said “what are you doing? What is that noise?”
I said “I’ve been screwing around behind your back.”
She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.
I found it way more entertaining then she did.
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
My one new years resolution was to start to use my Velcro wall more.
So far I'm sticking to it.
What did one wall say to another?
''Let's meet at the corner''
I have an Irish friend with a great personality that always bounces off the walls.
What did the fish say when it hit a brick wall?
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
What did the wall say to the painting?
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
I saw a midget climbing down the prison wall the other day
It was a little condescending
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall today...
I thought that was a little condescending
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
Thought to myself, “that’s a little condescending”.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall
Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
I just saw a dwarf climbing down the wall of a prison.
I thought to myself... “that’s a little condescending”.
Did you here about the dwarf climbing over the wall to escape prison?
He fell!
It was a little condescending.
What did fish say when it hit the wall?
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