Dividers Puns

But the lady behind the till keeps putting it back

and every time the cashier puts it back!

But they keep putting it back when it comes to my turn to checkout.

This joke isn't mine but it's one that makes me smile every time I think about it!

Pumpkin Pi

Now that’s just mean.

Intersections

Edit: for non-native speakers, roundabout is a traffic circle.

They really halve their shit together

Velociraptor.

Sadly, only a fraction of people will get this joke

Because the autobots had Optimus Prime

But I will make one if I halve two.

But sum are

Where there’s a will, there’s a whey.

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

They say it's a better way to get a tan.

You're welcome

But it's what's inside that counts

Only a fraction of you will understand that

Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!

She must be in-Seine!

With a pair of Caesars

is a duplex with angry neighbors.

Pumpkin Pi

Because he had a lot of problems.

Red Sea /2 = .5

You parrot.

Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner are already spoken for, but Thanksgiving hasn't been discussed yet. Thanksgiving is usually at my father-in-law's, but my stepmother-in-law has previously hinted that she might not want to host anymore.

Wife: "I talked to [stepmother-in-law] today, and she didn't say 'boo' about Thanksgiving."

Me: "Did she say 'gobble gobble'?"

…the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.

Pumpkin Pi

Pumpkin pi

Pumpkin pi

Pumpkin Pi...

Pumpkin π

Pumpkin pi

Pumpkin π

Pumpkin Pi

Pumpkin Pi

You get pumpkin pi.