Sign at a convenience store:Our credit manager is Helen Waite...
If you want credit go to Helen Waite
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
Wait, if you slap Dwayne Johnson’s butt
Last Thursday my son was moping around and I told him, if you think Thursdays are sad, just wait two more days. He asked why?
Because it'll be sadder day.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
This joke actually has two answers:
A Hairline or A Barbecue (barber-que)
Two drunk guys were fighting. One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face.
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
There is a couple, that always waits in front of orphanages before they open.
They're better known as the early adopters.
A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."
Four men waiting in the hospital
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
Nurse: Sorry for the waiting
My dad: No problem, I'm patient
Joe sure is patient when it comes to waiting for the results of the election
All I hear is Joe Biden his time till the results are finalized!
Why did the president-elect wait so long before deciding to run for president?
He was just Biden his time
The doctor was taking a while so he said: Sorry for the wait
I respond: no problem I’m patient
Dad stumbles out of the pub and spies a Nun waiting for a bus over the road..
Somehow he manages to weave through traffic and lands a punch so hard the nun hits the deck spitting teeth.
"HAH!!" shouts Dad.. "NOT SO TOUGH AFTER-ALL EH, BATMAN??!!!!"
Who do you go see when you've got no signal in the waiting room?
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.
No need to remind her every half hour.
I can’t wait until hindsight....
Waiting for my girlfriend to get home
Why was singer waiting at the front door?
He didn't have the right key and didn't know when to come in
I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.
“What are you doing, dad?”
I sigh a long, heavy sigh.
“Not much, just feeling board.”
Now that the Fall is officially here, I can't wait to make tons of extra money gathering leaves..
.. last year I raked it in.
i can't wait to go to Hawaii
I know for sure that i will get leid upon arrival
I waited a long time for my food at the midget restaurant
I guess they were a little short-staffed
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
Just wait until you aunt marries Robert,
Nurse: Sorry for waiting
14 year old son: don’t worry, I’m patient.
Me: proudly crying.
Nurse: Hi patient, I’m nurse
Devil puns anyone? Lol also promoting Lucifer huhu can’t wait
A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"
The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"
So, they have just announced the tenth Fast and Furious movie...
Mom: "The line was too long, I wasn't going to wait" Me: "Well I have patience, something that you don't"
Dad: "She works at a doctor's office, of course she has patients"
There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.
Their next car is Elon gated.
Doctor: Sorry for the long wait.
Dad: No worries. I'm patient.
Tree before it gets cut down: wait! I'm a talking tree!
Lumberjack: and you will dialogue
Tree: wait I’m a talking tree!!
Lumberjack: yes, and you will dialogue
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
A lumberjack was about to cut off a tree when it suddenly said "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack then said: "And you will dialogue."
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