My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....

WOW....I'm cured.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard when I ran into Vanilla Ice vigorously scratching his head.

Lice, Lice, maybe?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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How does a T-Rex feel after vigorous exercise?

Dino-Sore

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOctopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
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I dropped this one on my girlfriend after some vigorous sex in the kitchen this weekend.

"I may not make enough money to take you on a fancy vacation, but I can still fuck you on the island."

I laughed so much and game myself a high five.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ejh3k
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
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Dad: Hey son!

Son: "Hey son, im DAD!" smiles vigorously

Dad: .....

Dad: Get the belt......

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n-wordpass-DENIED
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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The World Health Organization

I was having a conversation with a friend about exercise and it goes a little something like this.

Friend: Did you know that the World Health Organization recommends at least 180 minutes of moderate to vigorous exercise?

Me: with a grin on my face Who?

Friend: The World Health Organization.

Me: again with same expression Who?

Friend: getting annoyed THE WORLD HEAL... shoots me the dirtiest look

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinner899
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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Do I dad joke too much?

My fiancΓ© and I were sitting on the couch after dinner and she picked up her empty glass and said, "I'm thirsty."

My eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning. I turned with entirely too much vigor and extended my hand to her in greeting. And before I could say anything she said, "haha nice to meet you. You're so funny."

Does it still count as a dad joke if you don't even get to say it?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiningmidnight
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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When I was a kid (in the 80s) we were really into mixtapes. My dad said he wanted to make one for me.

He vigorously shook a blank cassette tape and handed it to me.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aecduck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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My dad

Dad: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Me: ehm?

Dad: 'Puts on German accent' One.. we are efficient and have no sense of humour

Then he starts laughing vigorously and walks away proud as a peacock

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bankaren
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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Dad dropped this while I was trying to kill a beetle.

Me: Stomping on beetle Dad: What are you doing over there? Me: Trying to kill this beetle. Dad: Which Beatle? John Lennon? Ringo Starr? Paul McCartney? Me: Haha no. stomping vigorously It's the stupid kind that doesn't DIE! Dad: ...Well we know it isn't Lennon.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thetacoslayer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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