What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Columbus_Explorer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call identical twins that join the police force?

Copies.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OlafThePeach
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I failed a recent test on the forces of the earth.

Apparently I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation I was in

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CH4RL130H
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe

but if you remove it, you get gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brutalproduct
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to join the psychic police force

But I failed the vision test

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe in a cosmic force...

I am especially attracted by gravity, it keeps me grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/staalmannen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that in some countries, mathematicians are forced to pay fines for being unlawful to Jesus?

Yeah, it’s called a Sin-tax.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hwhouston517
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was murdered by being forced to drink bleach

It was a clean kill

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZJoe2316
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the Air Force just bought a bunch of copies of The Little Mermaid on DVD?

They must be preparing for an Ariel assault.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenRedittor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
May the sales force be with you.

Q: Why doesn’t Darth Vader hire storm troopers to do his marketing?

A: Because they are always missing their sales targets!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend forced me to look at a picture of mount Rushmore before it was carved.

It was unpresidented.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Croissnat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A Scottish man was just forced to wear pants!

It damn nearly kilt him...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a creepy guy who forced me to take home a bunch of horses with swords in their mouths.

He gave me knightmares.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colonel_ChowChow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the e. Coli bacterium tell his brother when forced to eat cruciferous vegetables?

Bro-coli

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MjarjoSAC11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Has COVID-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?

If so, you may be entitled to condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tburns1469
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who was force fed chocolate and peanut butter then chopped up?

Reese’s Pieces

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firepower98
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend joined a cult who believe that we’ll all turn to water and be evaporated into a bigger life force...

I said... you’ll be mist...

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?

Darth Ritis.

Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
58 years ago today, Ringo joined forces with John, Paul, and George.

Pete got sacked, but it was for the Best.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejeanspiano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats the most important thing to be when living in Asgard with a corrupt police force?

Gotta be Low key

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llMezzll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Duct tape is like the Force.

It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BethJ2018
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife complained that I don't do enough housework, so she forced me to vacuum

It really sucks

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Air Force pilots salute differently?

Because they’re above us.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyMo1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Two gambling cows ate some weed.

The steaks were high.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddyflextape
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeusJZ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Obi wan and Anakin meet at a force ghost party.

Obi wan: Okay Anakin, answer this. Imagine, I am on a planet, very far away from yours. And I was out of range of all forms of communication.

Anakin: Okay...and?

Obi wan: And there was an urgent message, that you had to send me. How would you send it, when no messaging service would get to me?

Anakin: Simple. I would send it with sand. It gets everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clone_Writer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Historically, the Scottish fought off a British Invasion force 20x as big as their own

The British were simply out-plaid

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
After watching Star Wars, my friend on tumblr told me he identifies as The Force

I guess that makes him a ForceKin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Obi-Wan didn't want to eat his vegetables

So, Qui-Gonn had to force him...

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodsOwnTypo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why were the melons forced to have a small wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drdoggomd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you force Nintendo fans into a bus?

You PokΓ©mon

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
To make extra money, my professor forces all the students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 745
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Bilbo Baggins not want to give up the ring?

It was a force of hobbit.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suffocatedwallaby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Breaking news! Wineries across the country are forced to temporarily layoff employees.

It's being called the great Merlot furlough.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?

iMoral

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zak-Ive-Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
With all the shortages, we've been forced to buy the John Wayne toilet paper.

It's rough, tough, and don't take shit off anyone

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/btross
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Gravity, one of the most basic forces in the Universe. But then again, if you remove it...

You still have Gravy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Has COVID-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?

If so, you may be entitled to condensation.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
58 years ago today, Ringo joined forces with John, Paul, and George.

Pete got sacked, but it was for the Best.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejeanspiano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Gravity's one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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