Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.

They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Otherwise-Sherbet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call Kim Jong Un in a vegetative state?

Kimchi

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryden22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is in a vegetative state.

It's called Idaho.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Can anyone suggest more vegetable puns?
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurmudgeonly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Vegetable puns are great!
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Vegetable Puns Needed
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Pyramid76
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
This guy always makes vegetable puns, i wonder what's tomato with him
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afieif
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My kids and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.

Lettuce know.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Designed_To
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a really good vegetable pun

I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MidwestProduct
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm looking for some vegetable puns

if you think of any lettuce know

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/princess_chloe_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Bad vegetable puns don’t produce laughter.

It’s a rotten experience.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun

as you artichoke.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notaleclively
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of vegetables standing in a line?

Queuecumbers

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/COLDCYAN10
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Does every sentence have to mention some kind of vegetable?

Not necesscelery

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vegetable that does hip hop?

A rap scallion.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What's Dr. Dre's favorite vegetable?

Beets

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AfterEffectserror
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a friend named Jack who can talk to vegetables

Jack and the beans talk!!!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
If a vegetarian eats vegetables

What does a humanitarian eat?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of scissors made out of vegetables?

Par-snip

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourCommonBro
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind if vegetable makes you sad?

Despairagus

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherBrownEye
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I combined vegetable and alphabet soups.

It solved my consonantpation and i had a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bykpoloplayer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Siddhartha Gautama Showed Up And Asked for Some Vegetables....

The village elders looked at him and asked, "Didn't you just start your own religion? Ask your followers instead!"

He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."

The next day he showed up and asked for some bread.

The village elders looked at him and asked, "Doesn't your religion disavow physical needs? Transcend your hunger instead."

He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."

The next day he showed up and asked for some meat.

The village elders looked at him and asked "Doesn't your religion espouse vegetarianism? You should be asking for bread and vegetables instead."

He said, "I already did, but no problem..."

Finally, the elders called the village guards to get rid of that Hungry Buddha Pest.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorGarfanzo
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
We don’t have any vegetable jokes on this Subreddit yet...

So if you do, lettuce know.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedudenamedjay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?

Collie-flour!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
The all vegetable circus came to town yesterday.

I hear their clown act is corny.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Panda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a Vegetable Patch with a Dinosaur?

Squash

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I prefer eating my vegetables in silence.

I just want some peas and quiet.

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?

Not neccescelery.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vegetable that's only kind of cool?

Radish

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpacemanSpliff47
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I can't cook vegetables

I've made peas with that

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Forgotten_Orokin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a pastor use when bugs get into his vegetable garden during the benediction?

Lettuce spray

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is picking vegetables a good job?

It comes with a great celery

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
The produce person at my grocery store said I should try this vegetable, β€œIt’s out of this world ... radical!” he exclaimed.

In truth, it was just rad-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Cooking
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bitchyswiftie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Which vegetable tells us how old a taxi is?

Cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What's a caveman's favorite vegetable?

Aroogaboogula.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tyrannical root vegetable

A dic-tater

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmtr515
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What's a metalheads favorite vegetable?

Korn

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sandstar115
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable

One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire!

πŸ‘︎ 171
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name.

Pro deuce

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call disgusting vegetables?

grosseries!!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/okkb00mer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the highest ranking vegetable?

Corn, it's made up entirely of colonels.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crayoncer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"

She said, "Not neccecelery."

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk!

πŸ‘︎ 653
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?

Not necesscelery!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeersForSmarch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.