Who is the official tour guide for the Vatican?

Cardinal Directions

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamesNBooks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Vatican bankers have to wear priestly raiment to work

Because they’re in-vestment advisors.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Who calls balls and strikes at the annual Vatican softball game?

The Holy Roman Umpire!

... sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeowvan
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
🚨︎ report
If the Vatican were to Canonize Einstein

we would call him Steinstein.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fsm_vs_cthulhu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
At that Vatican they only eat Swiss cheese.

It’s clearly the holiest!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/divinetaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the Vatican is interested in horticulture?

They've been cherry picking since the 4th century CE.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to check what fuel was used in the Vatican City

Nothing but Pope-ane!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yinyangry
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?

That's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/McCushAgin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
NEWS ITEM: "Pope raises all the Vatican urinals."

He wants to keep the Cardinals on their toes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Lame Pun Raccoon Visits Vatican City
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hokie_Wartooth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2013
🚨︎ report
How does the Vatican pay the bills?

They use Papal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/getyerhandoffit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone mentioned the Vatican.

My husband: "I've been to Vatican City. There are so many pigeons there." Me: "No, they're called cardinals."

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoherentBusyDucks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2015
🚨︎ report
Just found out that phone bills are higher at the Vatican.

Makes sense since a large majority of the people there are mostly Roman.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Faceghost
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Pope decides on new measures to keep Cardinals on their toes.

He raised the Vatican urinals by 4 inches.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Will Smith do so?

Will Smith's property (150 acres) is larger than Vatican City (110 acres). Therefore, if he were to do so, it would not be the smallest country.

That day would be known as independence day.

The country would be a Fresh Principality.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReal_BlueBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this on instagram
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFruigle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
my dad joke i told my dad as we opened presents (early xmas)

My dad is 80.....i'm 53. My sister gave him some stockings (like knee socks) from the Vatican that the Pope supposedly wears. Don't ask why it's not important. Odd gift but anyway.....

Dad: "Hmmm.... well that present couldn't be any holier."

Me: "Well if the socks had holes in them they would be holier."

My Dad: "jesus christ" <while stifling a chuckle>

my 20ish adult Kids: <blank stare and power down look>

I was so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/airmark3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Jesuit clergy and Benedictine clergy?

Jesuit clergy have Vatican Days, while Benidictine Clergy have Holland Days.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/quackdamnyou
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when the Pope gets fired?

He gets Vaticanned.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AirplaneReference
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
🚨︎ report
As my dad casually dropped this on me

My father and I are sitting at the table . He's on his computer and suddenly....

Dad: Huh.

Me: What?

Dad: The Vatican is buying Chrysler.

Me: That's a little weird.

Dad: Yeah, they're rebranding as Jesus Chrysler.

groans

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zabruki
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if there was a country known for having great donuts

He said Vatican City since its considered a holey place.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/austings
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Negativity joke from my dad. (as emailed)

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip
to Rome with her husband..

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful,
and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

scroll down.....

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joe630
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the Pope is keeping all the Cardinals on their toes?

He raised the Vatican urinals six inches.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.