A new variant of head lice has appeared and they are resistant to conventional treatments.

This has left scientists scratching their heads l

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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DadHelp wanted: more variants for "interrupting cow" knock-knock joke to amuse kids

Everyone knows the interrupting cow knock knock joke but we like making up KKJs for other cows. Here are some of ours; please add more so I can continue to surprise and delight the young people near and dear to me. TIA!

(Obviously each joke goes "Knock knock" etc. I'll just write the "cow" part and the punchline)

  • French cow: le moo

  • Backwards cow: oom

  • Upside down cow: woo

  • Sad cow: moo hoo hoo

  • Ghost cow: moo-oo-oo-oooo

  • Police cow: moo ee oo ee oo ee oo

  • Cow on a motorbike: (make zooming moo)

  • Cow in disguise: Baa

  • Horse in disguise: Moo

  • Invisible cow: (quickly cover child's eyes) Moo

  • Inaudible cow:

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A2S2020
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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There's a variant of the dad joke which is called the uncle joke

The punchline might not be apparent but at least it's all groan up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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There's a new soccer variant where the field is only 12 inches long.

The game is afoot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlakeMP
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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Around the turn of 1900, two Friars move to London to start up a florist shop. Well this didn't sit well with the established florist shop down on the corner.

The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.

The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/facts_my_guyy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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I had a dream last night that I was hiding from a serial killer in a little room while camping.

It was in tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdiddy579
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Old McDonald's Server Farm...
Old McDonald's Server Farm
Very high I/O
And on that farm he had some space
Very high I/O
With a hot swap here and a hot swap there
Here a disk
There a disk
Everywhere a RAID disk
Old McDonald's Server Farm
Very high I/O
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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If your phone is getting no service

Try putting shoes and a shirt on it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
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People have a misconception that if you take the shell off snails, it will go faster...

But they just end up being sluggish.

Edit: Don't thank me, the wife laid this one on me just now. I told her was going to post this on reddit, she said we've run out of stamps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bthefreeman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
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What do you get when you cross LeVar Burton with Sylvester Stallone?

Reading Rambo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainFartTheFirst
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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Not Afraid to Beat My Children

At Video Games...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/funnyteesco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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I entered a pull-up competition and I regret it.

The bar was set pretty high.

(I came up with this joke, though I would not be surprised if this, or a variant of the joke was on this sub.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orm40
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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Beethoven's chickens

Did you hear that Beethoven got rid of all of his chickens?

He got tired of them running around saying "Bach Bach Bach."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingofthecheese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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Reminder: You now all have the opportunity to use one of the oldest dad jokes in the book - "I haven't _______ all year!"

Examples:

  • I haven't seen you all year!
  • I haven't eaten all year
  • I haven't slept all year

And variants thereof.

Happy New Year :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RomanAbramovich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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There must be a yearly dad joke convention or something.

I was filling flowerbeds at work-a sport center and gym- with my dad(one of the owners), the groundskeeper- a father himself(lets call him GK), his son, and another co-worker.

two brothers, both in their late teens come out of the gym and wait for their dad to come pick them up. My dad sees them and asks if they want to help with the mulch- "its a free second workout!" A little later, GK says "Hey guys, you two should help with the mulch. We won't pay ya, but it'll help build up your muscles!". After the second time, you could hear the kids groan across the parking lot.

Aaand in come the brothers' father to pick them up. "Hey, look- they're mulching. you should help them. you two need to work on your biceps."

Three variants of the same dad joke in a matter of 15 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CornCobMcGee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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Got a couple of friends pretty good.

Played hearts for the first time yesterday with the girlfriend and another friend. We played a variant where the Jack of Diamonds was worth extra points. In the first round, I played the jack in one trick and inadvertently lost it to the more experienced player. "That is what happens if you play the jack too early," she said.

Me: "Premature Jack-ulation..."

Laughs/ groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NachoTheGreat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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