A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...

...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right: the Very model of a modern major general.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/conflateer
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
You’re so vain.

You probably think this joke is about you.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Laughing in VAIN.
πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cttonbrze
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My Half Horse friend is so vain

He always has to be the centaur of attention

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I would tell you a joke about veins, but I'm afraid it would be in vain.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeekleNKL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
All the 70s solo female artists seem extremely vain to me.

They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate all 1970s female solo singers because of how vain they are.

They are a bunch of pre-Madonnas

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a vain woodworker with a lisp say to the mirror each morning?

I am in love with my shelf.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OneEyeGrommsh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the blood transfusion?

It was all in vain

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/p_tally
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.

So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A cyclist is struggling up a long steep hill

A cyclist is struggling up a long steep hill on his bike, when he is met by a good Samaritan in a car. The guy offers him a long rope to tow him up the hill and the cyclist gratefully accepts. By the time they get to the top of the hill, the guy driving forgets he is towing the cyclist and heads on to the highway, with the poor cyclist ringing his bell in vain. In the meantime, a couple see them drive past their car on the highway and the wife turns to her husband:

"Wow, that car's going pretty fast, isn't it?" The husband replies, "the car?! Look at the cyclist behind him! He's going so fast he's ringing the bell to get the car to move out of the way!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wildlumpfish
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?

We're all in vain

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I like to brag about loosing an artery

but my friends say I'm too vain

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sposhal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Sad news.

At the Nestle factory today a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Dios Mios!

Son: Don't say the lord's name in vain!

Dad: I'm not saying it in vain... I'm saying it in Spanish!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shoopdahoop22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
🚨︎ report
I find most 70s solo female artists extremely vain.

They are a bunch of pre madonnas.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I dislike most 70’s female solo artists because they appear vain.

They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Accident at nestle factory

sad news from the nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled "the milky bars are on me" people just cheered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bertnod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.