A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...

...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right: the Very model of a modern major general.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/conflateer
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2021
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You’re so vain.

You probably think this joke is about you.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13 2021
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Laughing in VAIN.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cttonbrze
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2020
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My Half Horse friend is so vain

He always has to be the centaur of attention

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2020
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I would tell you a joke about veins, but I'm afraid it would be in vain.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NeekleNKL
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2019
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All the 70s solo female artists seem extremely vain to me.

They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2019
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I hate all 1970s female solo singers because of how vain they are.

They are a bunch of pre-Madonnas

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2018
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What does a vain woodworker with a lisp say to the mirror each morning?

I am in love with my shelf.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OneEyeGrommsh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2019
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Did you hear about the blood transfusion?

It was all in vain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/p_tally
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2021
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Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.

So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2020
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A cyclist is struggling up a long steep hill

A cyclist is struggling up a long steep hill on his bike, when he is met by a good Samaritan in a car. The guy offers him a long rope to tow him up the hill and the cyclist gratefully accepts. By the time they get to the top of the hill, the guy driving forgets he is towing the cyclist and heads on to the highway, with the poor cyclist ringing his bell in vain. In the meantime, a couple see them drive past their car on the highway and the wife turns to her husband:

"Wow, that car's going pretty fast, isn't it?" The husband replies, "the car?! Look at the cyclist behind him! He's going so fast he's ringing the bell to get the car to move out of the way!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wildlumpfish
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
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What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?

We're all in vain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2019
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Sometimes I like to brag about loosing an artery

but my friends say I'm too vain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sposhal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2019
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Sad news.

At the Nestle factory today a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2018
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Dios Mios!

Son: Don't say the lord's name in vain!

Dad: I'm not saying it in vain... I'm saying it in Spanish!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shoopdahoop22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2015
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I find most 70s solo female artists extremely vain.

They are a bunch of pre madonnas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2018
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I dislike most 70’s female solo artists because they appear vain.

They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2018
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Accident at nestle factory

sad news from the nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled "the milky bars are on me" people just cheered.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bertnod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2016
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