Dad hands my brother his unopened mail saying there's a check in the top one.

Sure enough, he opens it and a check comes out.

> Bro: How did he know?

> Me: I bet he checked.

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/Kuebic
📅︎ May 01 2017
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While cleaning out the cupboard...

Me and my gf threw out a whole bunch of old packets of herbs until there's only one, unopened one left.

I look pointedly at then turn to her wearing my biggest shit-eating grin on and say, "Baby, we've got nothing but thyme..."

There's a pause as she absorbs what I said, sighs heavily and calls me a dick while I proceed to piss myself laughing.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Oct 30 2014
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