Why do Storm Troopers shop at Wal Mart?

Because they couldn’t find the Target

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brownxbearx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I told a group of storm troopers β€œHappy Pew Year....”

But they totally missed the punchline.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway

Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting

The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver β€œpull over”

β€œNo!” yelled the woman β€œit’s a cardigan”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What do storm troopers and churches have in common?

Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew-Pew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JephriB
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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I was stopped by a Trooper today, he took my jumper cables into custody.

Apparently they are being held for battery charges.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/badges254
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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Why don't Storm troopers eat wookie meat?

Because it's too chewie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcherniske
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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May the sales force be with you.

Q: Why doesn’t Darth Vader hire storm troopers to do his marketing?

A: Because they are always missing their sales targets!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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So the police showed up at my house

Me: [hears knock on door] Who is it?

Trooper: State police identify yourself

Me: Police identify yourself

Trooper: State police

Me: Police

(Edit: messed up formatting)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctyw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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State Police pulled me over for going 7 mph over the speed limit. He said he would let me off with a warning, though.

I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anyeyeball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Another gem from my dad

A grandfather is talking to his grandson in the den. He is reminiscing being a former paratrooper for the military. He began to tell his grandson the first time he had to jump out of a plane.

Grandfather: "Well there we were in the plane as the sergeant opened the door of the plane. He began yelling Go! Go! Go! And one by one troopers began jumping out. When the sergeant yelled for me to jump I couldn't do it, I was too scared. The sergeant then looked at me and says private if you don't jump I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

Grandson looks up at grandfather and asks: "Well did you jump grandpa."

To which the grandfather replies: "A little at first."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdub609
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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