Toots Puns

A list of puns related to "Toots"

Toot toot BAAHH 🐑😂
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👤︎ u/DesDesign11
📅︎ Aug 27 2020
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I don’t mean to toot my own horn

But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.

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👤︎ u/ftpcolonslashslash
📅︎ Jun 02 2020
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Toot cents
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👤︎ u/all-hail-lord-Andy
📅︎ Aug 30 2020
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I don't like to toot my own horn,

But that's why I'm a terrible trumpet player.

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👤︎ u/whudaboutit
📅︎ Jul 08 2020
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Hookers don't fart, they lets out prosti-toots.
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👤︎ u/Thewolfiekitty
📅︎ Aug 28 2019
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Because prostitute is another word for hooker, and toot is another word for fart
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👤︎ u/N0b0dy1nparticular
📅︎ Feb 20 2019
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I hate to toot my own horn, but.....

Traffic is horrible!!!

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👤︎ u/joe2u2
📅︎ Mar 21 2019
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Toot Hill Butts

An amusingly-named road in Oxfordshire, England.

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👤︎ u/hour4masterpiece
📅︎ Dec 07 2018
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What do you call a man who never toots in public?

A private-tutor

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👤︎ u/_omniking_
📅︎ Apr 23 2017
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Hookers don't fart.

They let out little prosti-toots!

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👤︎ u/Jamster_1988
📅︎ Feb 15 2021
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I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...

I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!

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👤︎ u/Toberoni
📅︎ Jan 02 2021
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In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...

Toot Suite

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👤︎ u/xrayhearing
📅︎ Jan 13 2021
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What does an Egyptian goose say?

Ankh, ankh!

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👤︎ u/Sir_Pluses
📅︎ Nov 22 2020
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Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying “Hi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, “Here comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says “Hi!” and giggles.

Wife: “And there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: “Hi... toots”

Wife: “Yes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: “Hi!”

Wife: “That’s the ‘Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: “... 💀 💀 💀”

Wife: “You love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

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👤︎ u/Desdomen
📅︎ Jan 18 2021
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Say you call a man from Tooting, a Tooter.

The term for farting often is to "toot", and his profession is a tutor.

So, if this man from Tooting is farting at work... you can say that a Tooter is tooting in Tooting whilst tutoring.

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👤︎ u/faisaltreshah
📅︎ Oct 06 2018
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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common!

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👤︎ u/jigsatics
📅︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?

A private tutor

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👤︎ u/SonOfAnOptometrist
📅︎ Jan 03 2020
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What do you call it when two ancient Egyptians fart at the same time?

Toot in common

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👤︎ u/HoldMyDirrk
📅︎ Aug 10 2020
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My two year old says - "Mommy, daddy, I tooted!"

Me - "Maybe you'll be a teacher one day!"

Wife - "A teacher???"

Me - "Well he's already a tutor!"

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👤︎ u/amp93
📅︎ May 25 2018
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Did you hear about the Egyptian royal family that had harmonious flatulence?

They had a little toot-in-common.

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👤︎ u/Evilmd
📅︎ Oct 29 2020
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Historians have traced the origins of flatulence jokes to ancient egypt

It turns out they all have a toot in common

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👤︎ u/DargeBaVarder
📅︎ Oct 07 2020
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The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.

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👤︎ u/vbloke
📅︎ Sep 28 2020
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I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!

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👤︎ u/RattyRattyTatTat
📅︎ Sep 11 2020
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Why did the two gassy Egyptians become friends?

Because they had a toot-in-common

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👤︎ u/heybuddy313
📅︎ Aug 28 2020
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There's a rather unknown Greek myth that involved Zeus farting so loudly that it caused powerful lightning storms all over Greece. Panic and chaos ensued, and there was widespread looting as fires raged out on control.

Thus began the Zeus Toot Riots.

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👤︎ u/Hollowbody57
📅︎ Jul 07 2020
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I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Aug 13 2020
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Which pharaoh are you when you can’t pass gas?

Toot-uncommon.

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👤︎ u/cambrew
📅︎ Jul 13 2020
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What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?

Tooting’khamun

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👤︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
📅︎ Jul 19 2020
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Have your heard of the Flatulent Pharaoh? I am very fond of him.

We have the toot in common.

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👤︎ u/cheelay_
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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I sing like an amputee..

Cause I can’t hold a note, can’t carry a tune.

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👤︎ u/HaulinBoats
📅︎ Apr 22 2020
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If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn.

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👤︎ u/keithasaurus
📅︎ Sep 02 2018
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I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!

I didn’t want to toot my own horn.

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👤︎ u/Sir_Pluses
📅︎ Jun 23 2020
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What do you call someone with, a sextant, a stetson, a saxophone and a syringe?

A rooting tooting shooting cowboy.

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👤︎ u/Vesurel
📅︎ Jun 07 2020
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Why did the Pharaoh and his girlfriend go to a Mexican restaurant?

Because they knew they’d have a toot-in-common!

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👤︎ u/maybejaeby
📅︎ May 21 2020
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What do you call two mummies who fart together?

They have toots'in'common

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👤︎ u/ky_climber
📅︎ Jan 17 2020
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I've been told I could be a talented trumpet player but...

I'm not one to toot my own horn.

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👤︎ u/NThruThe0utdoor
📅︎ Jan 04 2020
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What did the two Pharaohs have when they farted simultaneously?

A toot in common!

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👤︎ u/Slammykong
📅︎ Sep 04 2017
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Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?

It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!

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👤︎ u/iGaunt
📅︎ Feb 02 2020
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Do you know why Melania wont sleep in the same bed as Donald?

He refuses to stop Putin

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👤︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
📅︎ Jun 05 2019
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Guys, I’m proud to say I’m the father of a Trump Pet

Player.

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👤︎ u/bikerbomber
📅︎ Oct 19 2019
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Not to toot my own horn but...

Honk!

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👤︎ u/Muffinman54lit
📅︎ Mar 04 2020
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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common.

👍︎ 9k
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👤︎ u/Mitchinatr
📅︎ Feb 18 2020
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Hookers don't fart...

they let out little prosti-toots.

👍︎ 30
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👤︎ u/simplyGagi
📅︎ Jan 08 2020
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Hookers dont fart

They let out little prosti-toots

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👤︎ u/dtobin95
📅︎ Oct 09 2019
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