Say you call a man from Tooting, a Tooter.

The term for farting often is to "toot", and his profession is a tutor.

So, if this man from Tooting is farting at work... you can say that a Tooter is tooting in Tooting whilst tutoring.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/faisaltreshah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Toot toot BAAHH πŸ‘πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t mean to toot my own horn

But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 752
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ftpcolonslashslash
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a murderer that can't stop farting?

Jack the ripper

πŸ‘οΈŽ 142
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Electronic-Stable123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Toot cents
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/all-hail-lord-Andy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?

Because you have a Tutankhamun.

Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 508
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TLEToyu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Visiting the pyramids

I was exploring the pyramids and suddenly came across a beautiful golden sarcophagus.  The guide and I both gasped and farted at the same time, identical farts.  It was the first time I ever experienced a toot in common.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 137
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/supercman99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't like to toot my own horn,

But that's why I'm a terrible trumpet player.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whudaboutit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a random person farts on a bunch of strangers?

A Mass Tooting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Echos_myron123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know ancient Egyptian houses didn’t have a door knocker?

Instead they had a horn and a sign saying β€œToot and come in”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bishcraft1979
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What ancient Egyptian pharaoh never farted?

King Toot-Uncommon

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Curiosity-Killed-The
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Hookers don't fart, they lets out prosti-toots.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thewolfiekitty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My gassy little daughter may not share much with ancient Egypt

But they have their toots in common.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/2many_hobbies
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Because prostitute is another word for hooker, and toot is another word for fart
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/N0b0dy1nparticular
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the stinkiest kind of teacher?

A substi-toot teacher.

Told by my son and his friend (1st grade) who worked on this joke for about 30 minutes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bklynman01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...

I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Hookers don't fart.

They let out little prosti-toots!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jamster_1988
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I hate to toot my own horn, but.....

Traffic is horrible!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What does an Egyptian goose say?

Ankh, ankh!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...

Toot Suite

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xrayhearing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Toot Hill Butts

An amusingly-named road in Oxfordshire, England.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hour4masterpiece
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying β€œHi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, β€œHere comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says β€œHi!” and giggles.

Wife: β€œAnd there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: β€œHi... toots”

Wife: β€œYes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: β€œHi!”

Wife: β€œThat’s the β€˜Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: β€œ... πŸ’€ πŸ’€ πŸ’€β€

Wife: β€œYou love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Desdomen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?

A private tutor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SonOfAnOptometrist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.

I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iambaney
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who never toots in public?

A private-tutor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_omniking_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RattyRattyTatTat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when two ancient Egyptians fart at the same time?

Toot in common

πŸ‘οΈŽ 148
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HoldMyDirrk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?

Tooting’khamun

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Egyptian royal family that had harmonious flatulence?

They had a little toot-in-common.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Evilmd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Historians have traced the origins of flatulence jokes to ancient egypt

It turns out they all have a toot in common

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DargeBaVarder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the two gassy Egyptians become friends?

Because they had a toot-in-common

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/heybuddy313
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vbloke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a rather unknown Greek myth that involved Zeus farting so loudly that it caused powerful lightning storms all over Greece. Panic and chaos ensued, and there was widespread looting as fires raged out on control.

Thus began the Zeus Toot Riots.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hollowbody57
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?

Toot and come in

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone with, a sextant, a stetson, a saxophone and a syringe?

A rooting tooting shooting cowboy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vesurel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Which pharaoh are you when you can’t pass gas?

Toot-uncommon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cambrew
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I sing like an amputee..

Cause I can’t hold a note, can’t carry a tune.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HaulinBoats
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Have your heard of the Flatulent Pharaoh? I am very fond of him.

We have the toot in common.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!

I didn’t want to toot my own horn.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to toot my own horn but...

Honk!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Muffinman54lit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.