There once was a man who would buy tons of buckets of roofing sealant, change the label then resell them.
Sometimes he would simply rename the brand. Sometimes he would name it a different product entirely. In a few horrific instances he repackaged it as food products. Eventually he was found, arrested, and brought to court. And though he admitted to doing all those things, he insisted that he had done nothing illegal and that moreover, his actions were protected by the law and the Constitution. His reasoning?
"I have the right to rename sealant!!!"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Wolverine delivered tons of gifts on Christmas
People called him Santa Claws
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Randy or ton.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
I know tons of dad jokes! Hereβs one
π︎ 58
π
︎ May 29 2020
I started an Etsy shop with tons of custom graphic tees. Feel free to take a look. I would love any feedback :)
https://www.etsy.com/listing/827477171/youre-my-jam-unisex-jersey-short-sleeve
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
Geroge Washing Ton and Bill Clean Ton
π︎ 51
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
My friend is a sushi chef and makes a ton of money.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
I see a ton of people driving in automobiles by themselves and still wearing a mask, what are they afraid of?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
What do you call a president that has a ton of laundry to do?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 05 2020
What's called when people start buying tons of stuff "just in case" during a crisis?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
A truck unloaded tons of hand tools into a river...
It is now a screwed river
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns.
roto.life/nba-paris-game-β¦
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
I have tons of friends!
Jerry and Bob, my favorite sumo wrestlers.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
A ton of milk weighs less in a car, because then it's a carton.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 04 2019
Did you know that TON spelled backwards is NUT
π︎ 153
π
︎ Dec 23 2018
I saw tons of epic memers talking about how Shrek 5 will be grossing more than Endgame.
I can agree, how Shrek acts in the movies is really gross.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
Why do ants never get sick? Because the have a ton of ant-i bodyβs
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
Light reflecting off Vietnamese soup should be called Pho tons
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 30 2019
What is lighter: 1 ton of steel or 1 ton of feathers?
Correct answer:
A potential fire-hazard...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 24 2019
I love using Anker cables, I bought a ton of them to charge all my devices. Although, I have so many of them now, it's hard to keep them in order.
I need to take an Anker Management class.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 26 2019
Iβve always wondered what a ton of bricks would feel like
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 19 2019
What do you call a machine that makes a ton of the letter s?
π︎ 61
π
︎ Dec 28 2017
Just wanted to let you all know you're a ton of fun.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 18 2019
Me: I met a ton of people
Dad: You had them weighed?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 04 2018
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...
...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.
I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 18 2018
I know a ton of halloween jokes
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 31 2018
What is the opposite of ton?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 02 2018
My grandma in Liverpool got scammed out of a ton of money.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 19 2018
Over the past 3 years Iβve lost a ton of weight at the gym.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 13 2018
Dracula is walking down a street in Transylvania when suddenly tons of sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, crisps, chicken wings and cocktail sausages fall on him...
Buried under all this food, his dying words were, "Oh no, it's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 13 2017
I tried to pick up the navy's new mounted laser turret but it weighed more than a ton.
I thought a laser would be light.
π︎ 50
π
︎ Oct 05 2017
George Washing a ton
π︎ 93
π
︎ Feb 06 2015
I can pump a ton of iron.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 22 2018
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 11 2017
The Chinese government donates a ton of Viagra to the Austrian government.
They've heard that they can't get an election.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 12 2016
A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.
The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 11 2017
So my wife said there's a ton of ISO's on Facebook for girl guide cookies.
I said we should post it at a boosted price because they are mint in box.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 25 2017
Ordered some won ton soup from the Chinese last night.... The bowl was huge
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 27 2016
My friend bought 2 hot dogs from 7/11 and put a ton of chili on it...
After about 20 minutes of not eating one, my other friend asks him "Isn't it getting cold?". I said "Don't you mean it's getting chili?"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 14 2016
How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 03 2017
Why'd the stoner take a ton of laxatives while high?
Oh, just shits and giggles
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 29 2014
My dad stacked a ton of bacon on his plate...
He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"
My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."
"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 03 2016
My dad parked next to a campsite on a lake that had tons of ducks
He asked me what I thought of it, I told him "it looks fowl"
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 18 2015
I got a ton of them. This one happened today.
Dad drives me to campus this morning so he can use the car later. At a crosswalk a police officer is always waving his hand, either toward students who want to cross or the other direction for cars to come through. Every time he says "hey man, if you want to fly you need both hands." (with the windows closed)
While waving to our car with one hand he actually started waving hello to someone else. We cracked up when he finally took my dad's advice.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 11 2013
So I have a ton of red itchy bumps on my face and chest, I can't decide what I should do, can somebody help me out.....
I don't wanna make any rash decisions....
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 16 2015
A ton of milk weighs less in the car.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.