Who does the Cat in the Hat call when his back hurts?
π︎ 23
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year I'm just hoping..
..that I can pull it off.
π︎ 390
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Why do they call that hat you wear in the jungle a pith helmet?
Becauthe of all the monkeeth up in the treeth.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Whatβs the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a commaβs a pause at the end of a clause.
π︎ 2k
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︎ May 06 2021
In SchrΓΆdinger's thought experiment, if you open the box and the cat is dead,
then your curiosity killed the cat.
π︎ 70
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Why couldn't the magician fit his top hat on his head?
Because his hare was too big.
π︎ 13
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︎ May 18 2021
What did that hat say to the gloves?
You guys can stay here, I'm gonna go on ahead.
π︎ 6
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︎ May 05 2021
My boss came in the other day and said it's cat had come home missing an eye...
I said that's weird cause I saw one in the middle of the road on my way in this morning
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 05 2021
Did you hear about the Frenchman at the hat shop who kept getting yelled at by his boss?
He got tired of being beret-ted all of the time.
π︎ 14
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︎ Mar 23 2021
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
π︎ 9k
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︎ May 16 2021
What did the French cat say when it wanted to go outside?
π︎ 93
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︎ Apr 05 2021
What is the square root of a cat?
π︎ 57
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︎ Mar 31 2021
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
π︎ 9k
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︎ May 01 2021
What was the best decade for cat lovers?
π︎ 9
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︎ May 09 2021
Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
π︎ 11
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︎ May 07 2021
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
π︎ 10k
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︎ May 05 2021
Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to red hats?
π︎ 4
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︎ May 07 2021
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
π︎ 3k
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︎ May 07 2021
Cats in Communist countries are forced to eat the same thing every day and it affects their health!
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 09 2021
One hat says to the other,
"You wait here, Iβll go on a head."
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Did you hear about the sea captain that went in for a hat fitting at the local haberdashery during rough seas?
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 12 2020
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
π︎ 16k
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here, i'll go on a head
π︎ 20
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︎ Feb 22 2021
What do you call a cat with plaits in its hair?
A platypus
(From my 4 year old daughter while I did her hair this morning)
π︎ 54
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︎ May 08 2021
Whatβs the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
π︎ 7k
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︎ Apr 28 2021
A cat got into the guiness world record book
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 22 2021
The cast of βFriendsβ got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Apr 13 2021
My cat was just sick on the carpet,
I donβt think itβs feline well.
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Are cats always in pain?
Because theyβre always going me-ow
π︎ 5
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︎ May 12 2021
I just found out that cats are always in pain
π︎ 14
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︎ May 18 2021
"Did you put the cat out, dear?" "The cat died today."
"All the more reason to put him out."
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I told my daughter, βGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.β Puzzled, she asked, βWhatβs that got to do with anything?β I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"Itβs pasture bedtime!β
π︎ 14k
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︎ Mar 26 2021
What did the cat say to the crow?
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 12 2021
What flavour is the toothpaste in jail?
π︎ 576
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︎ May 09 2021
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
π︎ 29
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︎ Jan 21 2021
My cat got sick, so I had to give it some pills. To make my life easier, I wrapped it up in ham.
When it couldnβt run away I could jam the pills in no problem.
π︎ 14
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︎ May 03 2021
What does a white hat dropped into the Red Sea become?
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What do good pastry shops and cats have in common.
π︎ 4
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︎ May 08 2021
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
π︎ 1k
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︎ May 09 2021
What is the Sorting Hatβs favourite relationship advice?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 23 2021
What's the highest rank in the popcorn army?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Mar 17 2021
If you get lost in the Canadian wilderness, donβt panic unless you see at least one grizzly.
Thatβs the bear minimum.
π︎ 364
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︎ May 17 2021
What did the cat say to the serial killer?
π︎ 20
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︎ Mar 10 2021
What do the cats of opera singers cry for?
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 18 2021
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause.
π︎ 321
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︎ Apr 13 2021
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
π︎ 17
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︎ Apr 13 2021
What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around I'll go on a head
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 07 2021
What did one hat say to the other?
βYou stay here, Iβll go on a-head.β
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 26 2021
What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here. Iβll go on a head.
π︎ 79
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︎ Nov 06 2020
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