Did you hear about the musician who went to the La Brea Tar pits and chucked butter into it?

He said he wanted to make a Ghee Tar.

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📅︎ Jun 29 2020
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What in Tar nation
👍︎ 4k
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📅︎ Dec 16 2018
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Where's the best place to get tar?

Target

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📅︎ Dec 03 2018
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At the La Brea tar pits: "He looks a little tongue tied!"
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📅︎ Oct 27 2013
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I recently subscribed to a nice little magazine about steaks.

It's a rare medium well done.

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📅︎ Aug 07 2020
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Doesnt cause cancer!
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📅︎ May 08 2020
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I bought some shoes from my drug dealer today.

I don't know what he laced it with, but I've been tripping all day.

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📅︎ Jan 01 2020
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"Mortar" has two different meanings.

I found this out when the house I'd built blew itself up.

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📅︎ Oct 22 2019
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A king was looking to protect his secret maze...

...so he called in his court wizard to devise a means of defense. The wizard set to work at once. First, he wove a net, tightly so that nothing could escape. Then he traveled to the nearby lake.

For three days, he went to the edge of a dock, and cast his net into the water. Each time, he collected many small fish, until he had gathered thousands.

He then took the fish to his study, and carefully processed them, crushing them into a sticky paste. Warming the paste, he began to lather it across the walls of the maze.

When the king learned of this, he was very angry.

"How dare you cover my walls with fish paste!" he said.

The wizard replied, "But sire, everyone knows to protect a labyrinth, one must use a minnow tar."

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👤︎ u/cmecau
📅︎ Jan 07 2019
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You remind me of a newly paved road....

Re-tarred.

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📅︎ Oct 27 2019
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My neighbors were trimming their pine, so I thought I would pitch in to help

But I fell and now am in a very sticky situation...

I know this will resin-ate with many of you out there.

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👤︎ u/trickyd9
📅︎ Sep 01 2019
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What is brown and rhymes with Snoop Dogg?

"Uh....poop log" I answered.

"Nope. It's Dr. Dre."

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📅︎ Jun 20 2015
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What do vampires drink?

Nec(k)tar.

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👤︎ u/Nimja_
📅︎ Mar 24 2017
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So I watched a show last night about how ships are held together......

Riveting

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👤︎ u/djbanksy
📅︎ Apr 21 2018
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Actual conversation this morning

Discussing the roofing project we're about to under take

Vy: "do we need any tar? I have some but i don't know if it's like tar, tar"

My Dad: "oh like tar tar binks?"

We just stared at him trying to figure out how he made that connection and why he felt the need to share.

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📅︎ Jun 03 2018
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Imagine you're in the 1800s....

You're in a large city with a great port. You're in a nicer part of town, away from the water, in a nice inn. You're having a meal of potatoes. You look down - there's a toe! The toe smells like tar and fish. It stinks. Your neighbor leans over and says, "P.U.! That's not just any toe!! That's a portmanteau!"

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👤︎ u/bonespear
📅︎ Jan 20 2019
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Did you know that butter is the same thing as poop?

butt tar

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👤︎ u/maloach
📅︎ Sep 06 2018
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I Got My Son While Driving

My son and I were driving through a construction zone. The air contained the strong smell of the tar they were laying down.

I said, "You know how a tectonic fault is a big crack between two tectonic plates?"

"Yeah," he said, a quizzical look on his face.

"Does that make your butt-crack an asphalt?"

Groan, followed by a facepalm. :)

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📅︎ May 26 2015
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I told my dad that I was tired on the phone.

since I live in southern missouri it apparently came out as "Tarred", to which he replied "don't tell me you got feathered too?!?!?"

it took me a while to figure out what the hell he was talking about, with all his laughing....

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👤︎ u/ursineduck
📅︎ Apr 18 2014
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Told my dad I was interested in learning to play the sitar

"Oh really? I prefer the stand-tar"

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👤︎ u/suga_lumps
📅︎ Jun 05 2014
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