Tag team Puns

At my 3 month review at work my bosses were mostly asking me how I liked the job, etc. Then I asked how they were finding me.
Boss 1: Oh you know, pretty easily.
Boss 2: Yeah, you're always at your desk.

We all had a good chuckle.

Friend: "I gotta get up early, so, I'm gonna take a shower, and, then, hit the hay."

Me: "Hopefully, it doesn't hit you back."

Friend: "If it does, I'll beat that bitch until it bales."

I looked in the fridge to start helping my mom bake pies for family dinner.

Me: "Dad, when did you start drinking alcoholic root beer?"

Dad: "It's not mine."

Mom: "He got that for you, because it's not your father's root beer."

Dad: "The Dad's root beer is mine though, so don't touch it."

"This guy who works with my dad always has a chip on his shoulder."

Me: "Why doesn't he just brush it off?"

Brother: "I wonder what flavor it is!"

I got a new phone for Christmas today and while playing around with it I misplaced my old phone and couldn't find it anywhere. I asked my dad to call me so I could find it by sound. All of a sudden he starts yelling my name and then shoots me a shit eating grin and says, "what? You told me to call you." But before he even had a chance to laugh at his own joke my grandpa (his dad) yelled across the house, "he wanted someone to call his phone, not him!" Then proceeded to yell, "Phone!!! Phone!! Where are you!?" Then both of them busted out laughing while I sat there still with no phone :(

I love my boss... every few months, my boss and i find ourselves in the break room with a couple other people. He will take a sip of his freshly-poured coffee and loudly say, "ugh, this coffee tastes like MUD" ... and then he looks at me expectantly ... and I dutifully reply "that's because it was just GROUND this morning." The other people within earshot hate us when they realize they have been tag-team dad-joked

They are the real rag tag team.

Shoutout to /u/curdflappers for this one. This took place between him and another person. The person came up to him and said they were out of tea and he responds "I guess you could say it is emp-TEA." And proceeds to die laughing.