My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

I said okay... Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhillala7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?

Krav MAGA.

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddyflextape
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a device consisting of a circular canopy of pink fish on a folding metal frame supported by a central rod, used as protection against rain.

Now I have salmonella.

(I’m sorry, it’s a fishy joke)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eriknobeats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the first meeting of my premature ejaculator’s support group this morning..

Turns out it’s tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jo3p-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Need to ask somebody to support you?

Just column.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that newborns have weak necks and need to have their heads supported?

Just a heads up.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswitt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
We got a new air mattress but it was too lumpy. We called customer support, very angry, demanding our money back!

They said we were blowing it out of proportion.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Mac now supports Windows
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherjon05
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know about the group where only Trump supporters were allowed?

The others are forbiden.

Credit to u/i_like_it_eilat

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pepperminthippos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Please support my onlyfrans! only-frans.com/irishguy
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dealonmusk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Yes! I support nouns

I'm pro nouns.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alkedi44
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren’t very supportive. They kept telling him to β€œGet with the times...

New Roman.”

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ’€
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahydron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...

...they will be subma-weiners.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
"I'm a strong supporter of the LTPO community...

(Lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion.)"

God dammit, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASProtag
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Algebra teachers support change in the world...

Because they love radicals.

(Sorry if this has been done before, this is my first post on this sub)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Main
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Iamonthemoonandthereisnoplacetogetabeer.

Youmightsaythereisnospacebar.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenIISD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.

https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are Trump supporters so against shredded cheese?

They want to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trailsend85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My time in the Boy Scouts really made me a supporter of gay marriage

It’s where I learned you can tie the knot in different ways

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8675309ice
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
So you stopped being friends with me as I am a Trump supporter

Well Bi-den

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monty0613
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do people attend support groups for arachnophobes?

On the web

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kippergills
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends said they’d un-friend if I wasn’t a Trump supporter

I told them β€œBi-den”.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been trying to come up with a clever name for an amputee support group.

But so far, I'm stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WulliesTime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a girl with 12 breasts

Sounds strange, Dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My step-ladder is nice and supportive.

But sometimes I wish I would've known my real-ladder.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clever_Sean
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the city support the music hall being repurposed as a shopping mall?

Harmonic Re-zone-ance

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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If pronouncing all my "V"s like "B"s, makes me sound Russian...

Then Soviet

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one saggy boob say to the other?

β€œWe gotta start getting some support around here or people are gonna think we’re nuts”

πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a step ladder at home...

... I never knew my real ladder.

πŸ‘︎ 710
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dream_digital
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

HDMI

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yovinio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Dick move
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onlyformemes123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I support free speech

Nobody should have to pay to talk.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zipped102
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Show support for his hard work
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glock_muncher
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Support your farmers
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How will he support his 3mm family?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsureyoudo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
/r/BlackFathers will now be a positive and supportive community for Black and POC fathers

https://i.imgur.com/GlXV2kE.gifv

Reddit admins have recently granted ownership of /r/BlackFathers to myself and a group of other Black/POC mods, and it is our intention to make this a positive and supportive community. This is a place where Black/POC fathers and their family, friends, and colleagues can find helpful resources, welcoming content, and a safe space to learn from each other and share our experience.

Content of all types are welcome so long as the subject/focus of the content is supportive of Black/POC fathers. We look forward to seeing you there.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigJ76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is North Korea so evil?

Because they have no Seoul.

Edit: Thanks for the support and for my first award everyone! I can’t take credit for the joke itself as a friend who passed a number of years made it up in high school, but I’m sure he’d be ecstatic to see the number of updoots and laughter it’s brought.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourchubio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
"We're here to offer support, not to grill you," they said at my review meeting.

"Like a bra, not a braai"

  • Based on true events. I had to stop myself from blurting that out.

  • Thanks to u/rumbustiousben for reminding me that not everyone knows what a braai is - it's a barbecue in Afrikaans and commonly used as part of English by South Africans

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wcsoon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call a Toucan who is supportive of you?

A Youcan

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R3DRUMxd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy

It's not like I did something

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sash_Mystq
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...

The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.

Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.

They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.

After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.

So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
This morning I went to a meeting of my premature ejaculators’ support group

But it turns out that it’s tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss to donate to support Asian children with terminal illnesses.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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