I caught a young woman throwing stones at my greenhouse. But I did not tell her off. Instead, I praised her.

She broke the glass ceiling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what does it become?

Wet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord1401
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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It's common sense that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones

That's broken logic if you ask me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Marry her faster
πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobMash11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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A guy on my street holds the world record for most concussions

He only lives a stone's throw away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.

He lives just a stone throw away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I just called my grandpa for Fathers Day. He told me this silly Corona Virus joke.

Grandpa: Are you being safe with this Corona Virus issue?

Me: of coarse!

Grandpa: Very good, make sure you always have a mask on outside and carry a bunch of sand with you!

Me: I always have a mask on but why do I need sand?

Grandpa: You didn't hear about the sand? Its very effective! Wherever you suspect the virus is hiding, you grab a handful of sand and throw the sand at it to stone the virus to death!

I love my grandpa lol made me laugh

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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A neighbour of mine is always in A&E with concussion,

lives just a stone's throw from me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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I carry a stone with me to throw at anyone who sings Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.

It is my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.

I call it my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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