Lord of the snorings
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevangAbhyankar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Snoring is an indication

Of a sound sleep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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What do you call a white woolly mass snoring on a field?

A sleep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wavetune
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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I can hear my mom snoring in the other room

My dad comes in and says

"Tomorrow you're gonna have to pick up all of the wood mom's sawing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/offrce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2016
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I snore so loudly...

It scares the shit out of the people I'm driving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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Snores loudly and car careens off road
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holxino
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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My wife says I snore at night so I conducted an experiment

I stayed up all night and I didn't snore once.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdmonster88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Do people with narcolepsy snore like Mmm instead of Zzz?

I would assume they only got halfway through the alphabet before falling asleep!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbetter1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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My dog snores too much...

I'm getting it a CPUP machine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PablitoMadera
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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What sound does a T-rex make A Dino snore
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elitephoenix77
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Apparently I snore so loud

That it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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I just got my husband with my best one yet

I said, β€œwhat have I told you about leaving the power tools out where the dogs can reach them?”

He looked really confused and said β€œWhat? I didn’t leave anything out”

β€œbecause the dog is over here sawing some logs!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaxinthebox14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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People tell me I snore.

Personally, I don't hear it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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I think my wife was dreaming she was a snore-boarder.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellaMajestic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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I don't snore...

I just sing with my nose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scientooligist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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My dad doesn't believe us when we tell him he snores.

My brother was telling my dad how he could hear him snoring last night, to which my dad replied, "What? Thats ridiculous I don't snore. That's impossible." I said, "Dad, you're in denial." Without thinking, he tells me, "Denail's a river in Egypt, you know."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctopusSlacks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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Joke by my wife

There we were, sitting by the hearth last night.

Man on the television set: "Vote blue, no matter who."

Mother: "Father, do you think he means our darling pooch"?

Blue: Snoring on the rug, fat and lavish

Me: "Mother, you are a sensational one. Outrageous!"

Mother: With her head tilted back, unleashes a hearty guffaw

I thought you might enjoy this roguish exchange as much as mother and I did πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trenlow12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What do you call a programme where you watch some very skilled dogs sleeping?

Snore patrol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Husband: tonight I want to be generous. Ask me whatever you want in bed...

Wife: ok, please don’t snore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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Received the following text from my dad: Mom went with me to my doctor appointment the other day. After an extremely long wait I turned to Mom and said, "My butt fell asleep."

She replied, "Yeah, I heard it snore a couple of times."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/petros86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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My son bumped his head on the bunkbed. I thought I handled it pretty well.

How did you do that? It isn't raining, let alone pouring, and you aren't an old man, nor were you snoring. Also, why are you telling me now? I thought you weren't supposed to get up until morning?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OccamsRazer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2015
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Had to share one that cracked me up

My wife and I were laying in bed one night and heard our dog snoring.

My wife mentions that maybe our dog has doggie sleep apnea.

I replied, "Well maybe we should get her a C-Pup..."

Wife: "uggghhhh"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
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My wife and I asked a hotel for a room with a king, queen or double bed...

The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.

Disappointed, I remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the same bed for 44 years."

"Could you possibly put them close together?" my wife asked.

Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, "How romantic."

My wife finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I want him close enough to be able to elbow him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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When my dad sleeps

Even if he is snoring he will wake up and say "I was just resting my eyes"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhianonin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2014
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Dad joked my Dad

Dad is going on a trip with some friends, many who snore or have tendencies otherwise making them poor bed-mates. Dad says "looks like this villa will have a double and a few kings, to which I reply: "I just see a bunch of Queens, if you ask me." Got 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justobserving87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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Apparently I snore so loudly

It scares everyone in the car I'm driving

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?

A stega-snore-us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dinoSNORE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_james_m
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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So a kid turns to his Dad and says....

Kid: My butt fell asleep.

Dad: Yeah, I thought it heard it snore a couple times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tunasalami
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
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