Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
That costume is too small to be a harp!
Are you calling me a lyre?
What’s a small mosque in Tijuana called?
What do you get if you put a chicken strip in a small fridge?
What do you call a small insect that bites Muslims in their house of worship?
Taking a picture of big foot is no small feat.
I went to a costume party dressed as a harp. The host said my costume was too small to be a harp.
I replied, "Are you calling me a lyre?"
First time my dad took me to church I noticed there was a lady disrobing dolls and putting the clothes on a small cross. I asked my dad what she was doing.
He said "Oh that's just a cross dresser..."
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken
I made myself a small open pie filled with sliced apples and sugar, but I misplaced it shortly after. Suddenly I was no longer hungry
I'd completely lost my appletart
Small Pepper needs a blanket
Dad: Can you please put a little blanket or a tiny sweater on him?
He's a little chilli!
you know why I don’t like eating small types of fish
because they are little fishy
Those small packets of ketchup are here because the big bottles didn't know what a condiment.
What type of waves appear on small beaches?
I used to get small shocks every time I touched metal objects, but I don't anymore.
A little too small
Why can't you surf microwaves??
Cause they are too small
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
A small rodent lives in a apartment next to my computer keyboard.
What do you call a story about a small horse?
9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...
Because the rock is a little meteor.
It's a small world Timmy
but I wouldn't want to paint it
I'd like to share a small victory with you all today
My dog is quite small with a real gravel tone to his bark
What’s small, brown, and really, really, sticky?
From my son: What do you call a small Embassy?
An Ember-lake
I'm so proud!
What did the big chimney say to the small chimney
You’re too young to smoke
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small to be seen by the naked eye...
I just don't see the point.
Pokemon cards? Yeah i've got a small collection.
My buddy Neil decided to get into a new kind of business designing keyholes for small houses
So we gave him the nickname shack keyhole Neil
A small boy went to sex ed class and then asked his father
is this a dad joke?
No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.
Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.
What washes up on the shores of small beaches?
Why are French omelettes small?
Because in France one egg is an oeuf.
(My children are not laughing)
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
A thief in a small town stole all the toilets...
Police issued a statement saying they had 'nothing to go on'
So you find the perfect Asian gal, you get up the courage to speak to her, you walk over and start small talk, you ask her name, and you find out...
I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?
My trademark for extremely small grains of rice was rejected
Not sure why. I call it "Minute Rice" and it only takes about an hour to cook.
First last time I made a kichen counter it was too small
Sinds then I have started to take countermeasures to avoid that
Edit: ignore the "last" I messed it up...
making it this far has been no small feet
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
I am scared of small, festive grottos.
I am Santa Claustrophobic
U/JBJorr said this in a comment but I thought it deserved its own post “ I pulled a small prank on the elevator
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
What philosopher appealed to only a small, select group of people?
How is a small municipality governed?
By an Itty Bitty City Committee
Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.
Me: my name isn’t David.
Doctor: I know. I’m David.
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