Sashimi bōchō Puns

I’ve been thinking a lot about this case. What is the motive behind these killings? Who could have done this? Strangulation is such an intimate and personal crime. Why strangle a child?

Details (taken directly from Wikipedia)

On 31 December 2000, the corpses of 44-year-old Mikio Miyazawa, his 41-year-old wife Yasuko, and their children, 8-year-old Niina and 6-year-old Rei, were discovered by Yasuko's mother, Asahi Geino, at their house in the Kamisoshigaya neighborhood of Setagaya, in the western suburbs of Tokyo.Mikio, Yasuko, and Niina had been stabbed to death while Rei had been strangled.Investigation of the crime scene by the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department concluded that the family had been murdered on December 30 at around 11:30 p.m. (Japan Standard Time), after which the killer stayed in the house for several hours.

The Miyazawa's killer entered through the open window of the second floor bathroom at the rear of the house, located immediately adjacent to Soshigaya Park, and gained access by climbing up a tree and then removing the window screen. The killer used his bare hands to strangle Rei, sleeping in his room on the second floor, killing him through asphyxiation. Mikio rushed up the first floor stairs after he detected the disturbance in Rei's room, fighting and injuring the killer until being stabbed in the head with a Sashimi bōchō knife. A police report claimed that part of the Sashimi knife's blade broke off inside Mikio's head, and the killer then attacked Yasuko and Niina with the broken knife until using a Santoku knife from the Miyazawas' house to murder them.

The killer remained inside the Miyazawas' house for 2 to 10 hours, using the family computer, consuming barley tea, melon, and ice cream from their refrigerator, using their toilet, treating his injuries using first aid kits and other sanitary products, and taking a nap on a sofa in the second floor living room. An analysis of Mikio Miyazawa's computer revealed that it had connected to the internet the morning after the murders at 1:18 a.m. and again at around 10 a.m., around the time Yasuko's mother Asahi entered the house and discovered the murders. Asahi became suspicious after being unable to call her daughter (the killer had unplugged the phone line) and visited the house but received no answer after ringing the doorbell. Authorities believe the killer had stayed in the house until at least 1:18 a.m. but the computer usage at 10 a.m. could have also been accidental

I would have a daughter

In the year 2000, on the morning New Year’s Eve, Japanese grandmother Asahi Geino travelled over to her daughter’s house in the Setagaya ward of western Tokyo, to celebrate the coming of the New Year. Unlike many other East Asian cultures, the official Japanese New Year has been celebrated according to the Gregorian calendar, on January 1 st of each year, as has been tradition since 1873. Asahi looked forward to these new yearly visits, which usually involved her grandchildren partaking in the Japanese tradition of New Year’s kite flying, known as ‘takoage’, before the family sat down together to watch the final of the Emperor’s Cup, the national association football elimination tournament. She had called ahead to confirm the visit, but was surprised to find that her calls couldn’t be patched through. This was highly unusual, her daughter’s family were financially stable, and always paid their phone bill on time, so naturally she became suspicious and headed over to the house a few hours earlier than she planned to.

Upon entering the residence, Asahi noticed that it was unusually quiet. She called out to her family, but there was no reply from any of them. There were signs of activity in the kitchen and around the family computer, someone had not only eaten there recently, but had also used the computer to surf the internet. But Asahi didn’t start to worry until she saw that someone had wrenched the phone line from the wall socket so hard it had broken off entirely. Feelings of dread began to build in her as she climbed the first floor stairs and peered into the family bedrooms. And when she laid eyes on the scenes that greeted her, she unleashed a blood curdling scream so loud that the occupants of neighbouring houses heard, and quickly called the police. Her entire family has been murdered.

A grizzly scene greeted the Police officers that rushed to the residence. There they discovered the corpses of forty four year old Mikio Miyazawa, his forty one year old wife Yasuko, and their children, Niina and Rei, who were eight and six years of age respectively. Three of the corpses were soaked with blood, except Rei’s, who had apparently been strangled in his sleep. Police quickly determined that whoever had slain the family had gained access to the house at around 11:30pm, the previous evening. They had climbed a tree to the rear of the house before carefully removing a window screen, after which they had free access to the bedroom of the sleeping Rei. Despit

But Bill kept the Windows

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

And then you will all be sorry.

No it doesn't.

Now it’s syncing.

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

I will find you. You have my Word.

She said how do you know he was headed to work?

“thank you for your cervix.”

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

But now I stand corrected.

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

Theoretical Fizz-ics

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

Because you can’t ‘C’ in the dark

I said, “That makes two of us.”

so I had to ground him.

He's doing better currently.

And conducting himself properly.

Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?

He's currently assembling his cabinet.

Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.

Because it'll blow his cover

That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.

The Doors.

I still have flashbacks

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

New Year's Eve is typically a joyous occasion. It's a sign of change; that the old is fading away for new. It's a time to celebrate a promising fresh start, generally with your family and closest friends.

In Japan, this day is known as Omisoka, and it is widely regarded as one of the most important days of the year. There are customs and traditions involved, which most people follow. While in America, New Year's Eve is often seen as a time to party and kiss someone at midnight, in Japan, New Year's is treated as the  most prestigious of holidays.

But at the turn of this past century, an event occurred that forever marred the holiday season. It occurred in the district of Tokyo known as Setagaya, and for close to two decades, what happened on this night has continued to completely stump investigators.  The Setagaya family murders refers to the unsolved murders of the Miyazawa family in Setagaya ward of Tokyo, Japan, on 30 December 2000.

Mikio Miyazawa, Yasuko Miyazawa, Niina Miyazawa, and Rei Miyazawa were murdered during a home invasion at night by an unknown assailant who then remained in the Miyazawas' house for several hours before disappearing. Japanese police launched a massive investigation that uncovered the killer's DNA and many specific clues about their identity, but the perpetrator has never been identified. The media frenzy and long investigation of the Setagaya murders became an issue arousing widespread controversy, to abolish statute of limitations in Japan, which was removed in 2010.

• Murders

It sounds like an idyllic place to live – a house on the edge of a municipal park. Acres of parkland interspersed with tennis courts, a playground for smaller children and a skate park for the teenagers. In the early 1990’s two hundred houses were built along the park boundary, contained on one side by the lazily winding Sen river. Over the next 10 years, in contrast to Japan’s unstoppable expansion, these houses were bought back by the municipality and turned into more parkland. By the year 2000 only four remained.

On 31 December 2000, the corpses of 44-year-old Mikio Miyazawa, his 41-year-old wife Yasuko, and their children, 8-year-old Niina and 6-year-old Rei, were discovered by Yasuko's mother, Asahi Geino, at their house in the Kamisoshigaya neighborhood of Setagaya, in the western suburbs of Tokyo.

Mikio, Yasuko, and Niina had been stabbed to death while Rei had been strangled. Investigation of the crime scene by the Tokyo Metro

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.