"Okay rookie, the first thing you've got to learn about making pornography for the blind is: Voice Projection."

"That sounds hard."

"Thank you. I'm a professional."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PotBuzz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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This is such a rookie move
๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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The rookie astronaut said he was sad he couldn't find milk for his coffee.

His veteran copilot replied, "Yeah, in space no one can; here, use cream."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MookieV
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that youโ€™d get the well-fortified tower area back.

Guys back then were playing for keeps.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/astrosmash77
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion โ€“ but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits โ€“ all from late twentieth-century Terra โ€“ on a training study of Carterโ€™s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

โ€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are gradedโ€, exclaimed one student. โ€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?โ€

โ€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearbyโ€, said Feghoot. โ€œLet us walk that way while I explain.โ€ As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carterโ€™s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

โ€œI seeโ€, said the student. โ€œItโ€™s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s right,โ€ Feghoot went on smoothly. โ€œYou just hit the road jack and donโ€™t come back no mo.โ€

His students registered dismay and anguish.

โ€œIsnโ€™t that right, old-timer?,โ€ Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

โ€œAhm afraid not, suhโ€, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. โ€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. Itโ€™s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

โ€œSo you see,โ€ he finished, eyes twinkling, โ€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.โ€

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. โ€œAnd heโ€, he said, turning to his students, โ€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nomnommish
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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I lost my job at the bank my very first day

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Trtlman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Buzz him in!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/heusenleo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Today I was playing chess and blundered a major piece

Rookie mistake

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hatem96
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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The Pink Panther was counting the ants that he had killed.

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead aaaaaant....

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Alex13104
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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You can always tell how good a dad is, by how many baby wipes they use

3 wipes: rookie dad, hasn't figured it out yet

2 wipes: getting there, but still a noob

1 wipe: master dad

0 wipes: not a very good dad.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/johnblu5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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How do pirates say goodbye?

Arghhhdios!!!

Friends an I came up with it today while trying to figure out how to say goodbye to one that was dressed as a pirate.

Happy Halloween everyone!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/General_Georges
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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You shouldn't get upset at new football players for making mistakes.

That's just the way the rookie fumbles.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/swion
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?

A rookie

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/winnieismydog
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
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The Definition of Seasoned Fries

What rookie fries eventually become...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheNinJay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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Girlfriend was talking about options for dinner

Girlfriend: Well, i could make chicken. I have some season chicken in the fridge.

Me: It better be seasoned, I don't want no rookie chicken!

groans

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheRealDeathSheep
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2015
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