My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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With great reflexes comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Vile1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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I throw up whenever i hear a joke

It's a gag reflex

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArkoAvarsalu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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As a Physician I love checking for peoples reflexes,

I get a real kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkorchids
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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I told my doctor not to test my reflexes when I went to get my last physical.

I didn’t want to have a knee-jerk reaction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YinYangMojo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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I have a condition where I spontaneously and randomly tell jokes to people

It's a gag reflex

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingadod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was telling me about her first day working at a zoo...

When she arrived at the zoo she went to see her manager and asked what she should do, the manager told her to first go feed the sharks, so she went off to feed them. Whilst she was shovelling the food into the pool a shark jumped out of the water and tried to bite her, as a reflex she hit the shark with the spade and the shark died. Worried about losing her job this soon the woman started brainstorming what to do, eventually she decided to feed the dead shark to the lions thereby removing all evidence and so that is what she did. Shaken but glad she had avoided detection the women went back to see her manager and asked if there was anything else that needed doing, she was told to go and clean out the monkey cage.. So off the woman went with a wheelbarrow and shovel to clean out the cage, as she was shovelling the poop into the barrow a monkey jumped down from the tree towards her! As a reflex reaction the women smashed the monkey with the spade and it lay dead. Thankfully she knew just what to do and so she threw the monkey into the lion cage. Shaken and ready to go home by now, the women went to see if there were any final jobs that needed doing: she was tasked with collecting the honey from the bees. So she got changed into her protective gear however she forgot to tuck in the back of her shirt so when it came to doing the bees, one particularly large bee came and stung her right on the behind! The woman screamed and started whacking the bees until many lay dead. By now she didn’t even have to think.. she collected the dead bees and threw them in the lion cage before going home for a quiet evening.

The next day there was a new lion in the lion cage. The new lion said to the other lions β€œso what’s the food like here??” The other lions responded...

β€œActually it’s quite good. Yesterday we had FISH, CHIMPS and MUSHY BEES!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SidB_22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I have cat like reflexes...

cause I'm a pussy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taytayrawr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
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This is to have good reflexes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqUr2KP1qKc

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hulermawe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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Let me begin by telling you a little bit about myself..

It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tr8orst8x3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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It was more of a reflex

Was shopping with my girlfriend looking at different colors of an item when this happened...

Girlfriend: What do you think of periwinkle?

Me: I'm not sure I've never met the man.

She was not amused but we did get a good laugh in.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geezersleezer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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My Dad Showing Off Both his Mental and Physical Reflexes

Last night, my dad was opening his mail. As he opens one of the envelopes, out falls a check. Quickly, he bobbles it for a split second, then grabs it before it falls on the floor. I saw this happen and chuckled. My dad looks at me and goes, "Phew, I thought for a second that the check was going to bounce."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boothroyd917
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
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Dad jokes are just a reflex at this point and I'm only 19, I'll be a hilarious father one day

http://imgur.com/ptssPBG

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maaaaaaaaaax
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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I think dads automatically gain access to a dadjoke reservoir the moment they become dads...

My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.

When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:

"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloudyWithRain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DONT_PM_MEH_PLEES
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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An unbridled masterpiece of a horse pun to one of my students this morning. It's a long setup, but dads will appreciate it. This one really happened as written.

So, I'm a Spanish professor, and I gave a final exam this morning. One of the last parts was that students had to write a paragraph using reflexive verbs in which they describe their daily routine. Since the class only had nine students in it, I told them that if they wanted to wait, I would grade their exams for them and tell them their class grade.

It was an open-book final exam (11 pages long), so I was in my office, and a graduating senior finished first and gave me her exam. When I got to her paragraph, I saw that she had written in Spanish that every day she woke up, got up, took a shower, got dressed, brushed her teeth, ate breakfast, and then she and her friend Emmy went horseback riding. Now, I knew that she didn't go horseback riding, ever, but that it was vocabulary from the previous chapter. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Horseback riding? Really?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every day?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every single day?
Her: SΓ­, SeΓ±or.
Me: I guess you could call it a stable routine then.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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What did the incredulous Australian anteater say to his child?

Are euchidding me?

Told to my 2 month old daughter who thought this was hilarious! Or... maybe she just smiles reflexively... either way....!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/montebella2017
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant

... and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theater followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

πŸ‘︎ 221
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuzziewuzzie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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Every. Single. Time....

Eating at a restaurant and you hear a glass break in the kitchen.

"Sounds like a job opening!"

I do this myself now but picked it up from a friend's dad.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LionLeo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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I like to think I'm very fast at coming up with a dad joke in response to a comment or situation...

I call it my gag reflex.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/somnambulator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2017
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Boyfriend woke up and laid this one on me

Me-Did you catch a cold? Him- I dont have the reflexes for that.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saywhatagain22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do dads keep making jokes while choking?

It's their gag reflex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TDVoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2014
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My Boss is a Dad

Today my boss, who is white, was talking to our book keeper tell her that he was going home for the dad because he is feeling sick. The book keeper told him yeah you look bad you have no color in your face. With lighting fast dad reflexes he quiped, "that's be cause you're looking at these guys all day"

Me and my coworker are both black and groaned appropriately.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinobones1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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Got my wife

We have a new baby. It was bed time, and he woke up, and she was a little upset about it, he was tired and crabby.

I rubbed his head and kissed him thrice between the eyes, forcing a blink reflex, from which his eyes didn't open.

"I am the baby kiss-perer!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omrsafetyo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes at baseball practice

Background: Head on a swivel = slang for "quick reflexes", more or less.

So some of us were taking a water break on the bench, when I spotted a wild baseball traveling right for my head going about 80 mph out of the corner of my eye. I lifted my glove and caught it in the most nonchalant way I could.

Team mate: Wow dude, way to keep your head on a swivel.

Me: Oh, no, my head is on a neck.

Team mate: blank stare

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdog95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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Dad-joked my coworkers

A group of us were out getting lunch. (my paraphrasing)

Boss: "Hey guys check out these pictures I took on my vacation."

passes around camera to rest of table to view pictures

Coworker: "Wow! How did you get such a perfectly timed photo of lightning?"

shows rest of table a beautiful picture of lightning

Me: "He must have lightning reflexes!"

collective groan

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Q-Cumber
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 347
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 342
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knee to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knee to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes comes great response ability
πŸ‘︎ 217
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes...

Comes great response ability.

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stamps69
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
As a doctor, I’m addicted to hitting my patients on the knees to test their reflexes.

I really get a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 466
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes, comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes...

Comes great response ability.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NonstopSuperguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes...

...come great response ability.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sohaiboi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes...

Comes great response ability

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThawEliot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes comes great response ability.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leemuel01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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My doctor loves hitting my knee to test my reflexes

He really gets a kick out of it

πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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With great reflexes...

Comes great response ability.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EggsyCRO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes

Comes great response ability

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HowlingRoar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
🚨︎ report
With great reflexes....

comes great response-ability.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
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Wth great reflexes

Comes great response ability

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoKado99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
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