The CEO of Pepsi was fired this morning

He tested positive for Coke.

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📅︎ Feb 24 2017
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My life really changed because of the coronavirus

I have a new qua-routine

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📅︎ Mar 27 2020
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What do you call a greedy clam?

Shellfish

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📅︎ Aug 30 2018
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So I'm one of them now

This just happened about an hour ago.

I was holding my infant son, and my wife asked me to hand her the Aquaphor. I said it is a shame we don't have a Dickphor. She just stared at me.

"I don't know what you are saying," she said flatly.

"A dickphor. You know, a dickphor."

"... no idea."

"Oh you know, a dickphor." At this point I'm laughing.

"Wha... I get that you are saying 'dick' instead of 'qua', but I don't understand what that means." She was laughing too by now.

"A dickphor! You've heard of a dickphor! A dickphor!" I figured if I said it enough, she would eventually give me the reply I now needed more than anything.

"... what is a dickph-" she realized in that moment that she had given me exactly what I was after. I could see in her face that she wanted to go back, to un-ask the question. But it was too late. I couldn't hold back long enough for her to even finish the sentence.

"PEEING!" I squealed triumphantly. Not since the Parthian capharacts defeated the calvary of Crassus at Carrhae has a victory tasted so sweet.

We both laughed long enough for our 8 month old son to realize that he was doomed to a life of dadjokes.

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📅︎ Nov 15 2013
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This is getting silly, but help me remember the name of the movie with Ellen Page where she got pregnant in high school...

...it had a certain Juno se qua

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👤︎ u/frinxo
📅︎ Jul 19 2017
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