He was grounded
https://preview.redd.it/ao5chw5ue0g41.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=0ab14484d7f201db497d7224d030d944ce450d7b
...with a lengthy sentence.
Cuz i got a "O" on my Blood test
who nose who did that
Death.
He said, "Son, you're grounded!"
She was stoned.
My bad mushroom pun has been avenged.
I was having dinner with my mom tonight. Burritos. As soon as I picked mine up, it ripped apart and spewed its contents all over my plate, the table, and my lap.
After I finished swearing a blue streak and started cleaning up, she just casually said:
"Well it is wrapped in a tore-tilla..."
It justis. Justice? No?
When you have children, your role in your family will soon become apparent.
Spheres are extremely pointless.
I guess i should have written those down on paper, then they would be even more tearable.
They get baa-ed from the flock.
He was put in timeowt.
A Musthang
decapita-shin
They will roux the day that they anger me.
They get hand-coughed
Some cool and PUnny PUns
They docked his pay.
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
I came up with two today, be warned they are punishing.
Why are the Lost Boys so poor? It's because they can Never Land a job.
How did Peter Pan get so fat? He keeps eating out at Wendy's.
He was afraid of Capitalism.
It would be a run-on sentence.
It has it’s frozen cons.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...
Suspended sentence
You hit rock bottom.
I’m sorry this was just trash
He learned next to nothing.
Because they want to see their kids all groan up.
It was de-vine punishment.
A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.
Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.
I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."
Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo
A punisher
They put a plunger in the toilet.
I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."
it was capital punishment
He has a habit of being too Frank.
Any others would just be pun. No ishment at all...
"Daddy, why is my name Violet?" the first girl asks.
"Because a violet fell on your head when you were born, dear," her father answers.
"Daddy, why is my name Rose?" the second girl asks.
"Because a rose fell on your head when you were born, dear," her father answers.
"My favorite color is potato," the third girl says.
"Shut up, Brick!"
This is noose to me.
I'm a glutton for punishment.
Hey redditland-
I’m working on writing my wedding vows. I am marrying the punniest guy I know. I mean, this guy’s love language is “puns” - so, I’m attempting the difficult pun-dertaking of writing wedding vows with a whole bunch of puns.
Any good ones out there? Anything that will pundamentally deliver meaning while being punishingly groan worthy?
Thankkkks! :) :)
- Stand in front of a mirror and reflect on what they've done.
- Sit in the corner where the floor speakers are to face the music.
Any other suggestions?
My boy, Arthur, is slow. He is the slowest child I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean mentally, he just doesn’t move quickly at all no matter what the urgency.
He takes an hour to get out of bed and stand up in the morning. He takes an hour to eat. When we go anywhere we have to tell him 20 minutes in advance because he takes that long to get his shoes on. His showers…we had to install an industrial sized water heater and hook it up to his shower exclusively because he would drain the tank and shower in ice cold water and started getting sick from it.
The worst part is that even if you help him out he doesn’t go faster. We can feed him and he’ll just swallow slower. We can wash him and he’ll just sit there for longer.
I’ve learned to live with it and be content because I know he won’t change. But my wife can’t take it. Just the other day she told me she was going to punish him to make him go quicker:
“I’ve had it with him! I’m going to start giving him timeouts and taking away toys for going so slow!”
“Honey,” I said, “it’ll never work.”
“Why not?!”
“Because you can’t rush Art.”
They’re just waiting their turn...
They say it's our comeTrumpPence.
Some people will tell you that puns arent fun and you are dumb for telling those. Those people are wrong. PUNish them.
Mark my words.
They are a PUNishable offence!
Everybody.
He calls it: "The Punishment"
He replied, “Thanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"
I said “I guess I’m being PUNished”
It’s been a week and she still won’t talk to me. Was it worth it? Yes.
I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.
See son, I am planning on going into politics. So I PUNdit.
20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.
Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!
Sorry about my rye sense of humor...
I might have to deal with him later.
I am requesting the shittiest, most terrible, most horrible dad level puns you can throw my way. Puns that would make others projectile vomit with their horribleness. Puns so aweful and sad, that it'd make me want to hug you and ask you....are you okay?
so send them my way. or there will be a severe....PUNishment...
I've needed a new outlet ever since tumblr banned punography.
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by.
