A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. If you don't get it look up "panda" in the dictionary ...
"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."
Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:
"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
I predicted Covid-19 3 years ago. Guess I got 2020 vision
An Amoeba predicted that it would successfully split itself in two.
It was a cell fulfilling prophecy
Do you know what they call the ability to predict sports scores?
ESPN.
(Credit to my husband who just laid this one on our kids and I)
Your mother couldn’t believe that an actual skunk could predict the future.
But it was a real fortune smeller.
I predict clocks will take over the world.
It’s only a matter of time.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
I watched a documentary about graphs, but it was really disappointing.
The plot was predictable. The special f(x) was terrible.
Which of the saints could predict the future?
George Washington predicted that some day in the future, a dollar bill will contain his likeness.
In that sense, he was on the money.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
At the therapist’s office, I asked my wife, “You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won’t you?”
I just watched a Movie about a y= x graph!
The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat!
Had good Special f(x) though
What did the indigenous Canadian man say when he predicted the future?
Ommmmm....I predict in the Middle East, there'll be one country and The Persian Gulf
Not to brag, but I have this incredible talent in predicting what’s inside a wrapped present.
My end of the world prediction is pretty far away.
I wouldn't bet on it though. Hindsight's 2080.
If you could predict what scents you will smell in the future...
...you would be Nose-tradamus
I bet my son $10 I could predict the score of the Pats-Rams game tonight before it starts, and he said you’re on.
I would make predictions about next year
But I don't have 2020 vision.
Did you know the Bible actually predicted that gay parades would be held during the summer?
Pride comes before the fall.
The psychic I go to can predict what's going to happen two years from now.
Would you say that people making financial and climate predictions for next year have... 20/20 vision?
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they're not tenants
I'm going to make a bold prediction
I feel like I really can’t tell what’s gonna happen next year. Movies, politics, my personal life. I can’t predict anything
It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision
Alot of people were saying The Simpsons predicted Pokemon Go but me personally,
I think that's a little farfetch'd
I once bought shoes from a drug dealer...
I don't know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping all day
The leader of a church kept making false doomsday predictions.
The church recently filed to be a non-prophet organization.
George Orwell predicted that we would have Thought Police
Instead, we got the Thot Police
I bet none of you will see this one coming
In 1975 Queen predicted Apple being scary...
Thunderbolt and Lightning, very, very frightening.
Why are Father Time's Dad jokes so terrible and predictable?
Every single punchline is 'week'
Whenever I ask my psychic friend to predict the future, he gets really angry.
He gets into a mean medium mode.
Seismologists predict a 9.2 magnitude earthquake will hit the Horn of Africa region.
It will really shake Djibouti.
Scientists have discovered an element with chemical properties that can't be predicted.
They're calling it the element of surprise.
I gazed at her. I predict defeat.
I have a bell in the bathroom that predicts what I'm going to do in there next
I sit on the toilet, strike the bell, and it goes, "Dung!"
I just finished watching a movie about graphs, but it was really disappointing.
The plot was predictable. The special f(x) was terrible.
I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
TIL: George Washington predicted that eventually the $1 bill will contain his likeness.
In that regard, he was on the money.
George Washington predicted that one day, a dollar bill will bear his likeness.
In that regard, he was on the money.
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