(Bear with me its a long setup) A frog walks into a bank and asks a woman named Patricia Whack for a loan. "My father is Mick Matter" he says, placing a ceramic elephant on the counter. Patricia goes to her boss and tells him the story, asking "what is this?" And placing the elephant on his desk.

The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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My Daughter says to me at dinner " Hey Dad, your glass is empty, would you like another one of those ? "

..why would I want two empty glasses..!?

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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What is the correct ratio of gun powder to essential oils?

I want this bath bomb to be perfect.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksaunders8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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Frog
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not-Lance
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
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A frog has his DNA tested...

Turns out, he was part Irish, part British and a tad Pole.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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My son asked me to run a genealogy test on his frog.

Turns out the frog is part Irish, Italian, and a tad Pole.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Frog parking only...

...All others will be toad.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZENFatherBardock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Will Glass Coffins be the Casket of the Future?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/restisconfettii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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What do frogs love to eat?

Flyed rice

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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I have a pet frog who's an aspiring comedian. I asked where he gets his best jokes from...

All he would say on the matter was "Reddit"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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What will the frog say when you show him this post?

Reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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What happens when a frogs car breaks down?

It has to be toad away.

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerWonton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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What happens when a frog parks illegally?

They get toad.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKillahG
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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What's a frog's favourite type of mechanical fastener?

A rivet

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ro330
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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You'll never guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed ?

EVERYBODY..!!

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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What kind of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-Toad!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
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I saw a documentary on frogs recently.

It was absolutely ribbiting.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OracleOfWherever
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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What happened to the frogs car when he parked terribly

It got toad

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lemur124
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What is a frog's favorite beverage?

Croak-a Cola

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smandero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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chameleon: put me on a piece of glass

me: i’m confused

chameleon: let me be clear

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piglord
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Why do Java Devs wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RDRana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuckleberry__Finn
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What sound does Marie Kondo's pet frog make?

"Rid-v-it . . . Rid-v-it."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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Will glass coffins ever be popular?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the frog that was double parked outside the club?

He got toad.

It was worth it though... That club was hopping.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tertiam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Why did Hitler wear eye glasses?

Because without them he could Nazi.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ferventlycavalier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What do you call a frog that’s illegally parked.

Toad

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/findvikas
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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I bought a container of protein powder, but then had to spend several seconds with my fingers knuckle-deep in the powder itself, trying to fish out the little plastic scoop that’s included.

Man I’m glad that’s out of the whey.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Glass eye making is endangered job.

There are not enough pupils.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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Frog Parking Only
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big_Mac12407
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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What do frogs do when they get a cramp?

Rubit rubit

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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What's a vegan bodybuilder's response to protein powder?

No whey

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kremzon13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What was the frog doing jumping off the bridge?

Kermitting suicide.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s frogs favourite game?

Croak-et

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rehmanvaheedur
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do frogs taste like beer?

Because they're full of hops

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do Python developers wear glasses?

Because they can't "C".

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aditheredditian
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of beer does a frog drink?

Gnatty light.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noobmoney_rs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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To whoever stole my glasses

I will find you, I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the pun master order a glass coffin for his own funeral?

Because he wanted his friends to see what he dead there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a glass statue of Captain Kirk. My dog ran by and knocked it over and it broke.

William Shattered

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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My sister said I looked like a German composer and musician of the Baroque period, especially when wearing my powdered wig... So I changed everything and it changed my life!

I haven't looked Bach since!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a horny frog say?

Rub it

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

It was the least I could do for him

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pressplaytorecord
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of shoes does a frog wear?

Open Toad

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lil-Porker22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
So this frog parked illegally

and ended up getting toad

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncenseAndIron
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Glass Coffins

Will they be popular?

Remains to be seen

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trevorulz
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins ever be popular?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins become popular?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 395
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyewacket74
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report

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