A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Where do British police officers live?
Police officer, "So where did the hacker go?"
Me, "I have no idea. He just ransomwere."
Why did the police officer arrest a duck?
The duck was selling quack
What the police officer said to the Antiperspirant after the traffic stop?
What did the police officer say when she caught a man peeing on the side of a building?
Urine big trouble mister!
I asked my police officer friend if he had made any progress with the investigation into who stole all their internet cables.
He said: No, we haven't even got any leads.
A man asks a police officer if it’s a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes
Officer: “Yes, that’s assault!”
Man: “I know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”
What do you call a police officer who refuses to get out of bed?
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
I answered the door today and a police officer said "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a car accident."
I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."
The police officer made me pay up for my crime.
What did the police officer tell his belly button?
What do you say to a police officer when he gets on your boat?
Police put on your life vest!
(This is a joke I made up at the age of 6 while on a boat!)
A police officer, notorious for bad spelling, is set to interrogate three theives, Tim, Bob, and Joe.
When asked who he thinks will give up the location stolen goods, he replys “Only Time will tell”
A police officer stops a guy carrying a backpack on suspicion of terrorism.
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.
The guy obliges.
In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"
Why did the police officer get suspended?
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
A Police officer called Roxanne told me how to social distance,
She said "don't stand, don't stand so close to me"
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states
Police officer informs a wife that her husbund has been found drowned in a vat of beer.
The wife said "was it murder"?
The officer said "no madam it was suicide"
The wife said how" can you tell"?
The police said -
"On the cctv your husbund climbed out of the vat 5 times for a pee!"
I was pulled over by the police. The officer said "According to your license you should be wearing glasses when you drive"
I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"
A Police Officer pulls over a Miner at a Traffic Stop
Officer: "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: "Mine."
What did the police officer arrest the cow for?
What is police officers' favorite type of room to find criminals?
Police Officer: “How high are you?”
Dad: “No officer, it’s ‘Hi, how are you?’”
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes.
That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes
I thought it was odd when I saw a police officer dressed up as an airline pilot.
Then it dawned on me...
He must be one of those plane clothes cops!
The number-one-selling brand of tea among US police officers is called “Tally”
A police officer says to a couple: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire".
They ask "Was it arson?", and the officer answers "Yes, your son".
Edit: holy shrimp! I got silver! Thanks for the reception!
Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.
They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.
Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."
Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"
Officer 1: "It's concrete."
What did the police officer say when he was tired?
What do police officers wear to court?
You know what the toughest thing about being a gay black police officer is?
The police officer asked me why I keep beating my wife...
I said "It's probably because I have quicker feet and a longer reach."
What do you call a flying police officer?
A helicopper
I invented it, at least I'm sure I never heard it before in 50 years.
Groans all around.
A miner was on their way to work in their new car, when a police officer stops them and asks: "where are you going, where do you work, and who's car is this?"
My wife is quitting her job as a hairdresser to become a police officer.
You know what they say: “Hair today, gun tomorrow.”
Why did I come home to find a police officer in my bed?
They were an undercover cop.
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
What do you call a police officer in bed?
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
What did the police officer say to their bellybutton?
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