Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
π︎ 22k
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
My wife told me Iβve grown as a person
Her actual word were βyouβve gotten fatβ, but I know what she meant.
π︎ 987
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
π︎ 57
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?
π︎ 387
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...
π︎ 77
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym
It was the vending machine
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer
She said "This isn't working out."
π︎ 63
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
A chemist froze himself to -273.15Β°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I personally want to see Radigascar
π︎ 393
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."
"I'll find you....I have contacts."
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Person to my dad βHow long have you been married?β
Dad: β10 of the happiest years of my lifeβ
(Theyβve been married 43 years)
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?
One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
What do you get if you mix a dumb person with a donut?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
Kinder Person Award goes to...
π︎ 138
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
Having sex with a deaf person is like assassinating someone
They won't hear you cumming
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
what is the sleepiest personality type?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?
π︎ 300
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet
Space X has really taken off this past year
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
My wife told me, βYou shouldnβt take it personally if people call you fat...β
...βYou are much bigger than that.β
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
π︎ 140
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
π︎ 34
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
π︎ 263
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
If a male person bursts into laughter...
... can he then be accused of manslaughter?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
What do you call a smart gay person?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Batteries have split personalities
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
When a short person waves at you, it's called....
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Every person you have ever met..
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Person 1: βWill you follow me?β
Person 2: βNo Iβm gonna follow sleep.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
The person who invented Russian roulette
π︎ 94
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
What does a person who is turned on by tall buildings have?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
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