Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person
Her actual word were “you’ve gotten fat”, but I know what she meant.
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym
It was the vending machine
My girlfriend broke up with me when she walked in on me making out with my personal trainer
She said "This isn't working out."
A chemist froze himself to -273.15°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,
I personally want to see Radigascar
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."
"I'll find you....I have contacts."
Person to my dad “How long have you been married?”
Dad: “10 of the happiest years of my life”
(They’ve been married 43 years)
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?
One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.
What do you get if you mix a dumb person with a donut?
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
Kinder Person Award goes to...
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
what is the sleepiest personality type?
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet
Space X has really taken off this past year
My wife told me, “You shouldn’t take it personally if people call you fat...”
...”You are much bigger than that.”
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
If a male person bursts into laughter...
... can he then be accused of manslaughter?
What do you call a smart gay person?
Batteries have split personalities
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
When a short person waves at you, it's called....
Every person you have ever met..
Person 1: “Will you follow me?”
Person 2: “No I’m gonna follow sleep.”
The person who invented Russian roulette
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
What does a person who is turned on by tall buildings have?
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
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