Picture perfect pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eewoJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Perfect fit and perfect pun v.redd.it/szp4h2hdxla31
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/General-Snorlax
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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My moms putting curtains up. Perfect pun opportunity.

Mom: β€œMatthew! Can you grab the screws please?”

Me: β€œOh screw this.”

Mom: β€œCan you grab some nails?”

Me: β€œYup.” Sees the curtains up β€œOh wow you’re really nailing it.”

Mom: β€œThe drills on the counter. Would you mind...”

Me: β€œDon’t worry. I know the drill by now.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demonwithfries
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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perfect pun
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dweb21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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My boss set me up with the perfect pun! [x-post /r/dadjokes]

He told us his little son (1 year old) had a great big poo in his toybox and there's shit all over the abacus.

"Bet you didn't count on that!" said I, proudly!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
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The perfect date
πŸ‘︎ 330
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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On January 1st 2021, we'll have perfect 2020 hindsight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlSaganIsDead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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A quote from my dad: β€œso you’re going to the doctors... but that’s actually the perfect time to go to the dentist... 2:30.... because tooth hurty *poses* dad jokes!”

Word for word what he said because he just said it a moment ago

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smoopie6
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I found the perfect password solution

I use the date of birth of a person I know. For example from Margarete von Henneberg. Nobody knows her. So how should someone get my password 1234?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pol_Ice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Neurologist said my brain was perfect!

He said it looked like it had never been used!

(True story, that. Meaning that he said it. I'm guessing it's something he enjoys saying to people who he doesn't have to give bad or concerning news to.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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How many beans do you need to make the perfect bean soup?

239.

Because one more would be too farty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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I had the perfect joke about french meals

it's unbrielievably cheesy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IWishIWasAGoomba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife

My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Good pun, perfect comments/likes. I love it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCourier69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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Today is a perfect day

I would rate it 10/10

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rtgurley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals

They most certainly have floss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadsea29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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If you tell me what my idea of a perfect date is...

I personally think it's DD/MM/YY. The rest are a bit confusing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/butterymix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Did you know: in boxing, it’s extremely important to have perfect form when going against a new fighter...

because the fist impression is everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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What's your idea for a perfect date?

MM/DD/YYYY. I find other formats confusing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cumsock17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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The perfect couple
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArsaNamikaze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Just got the perfect tool for making a good indian flat bread

it's a naan stick pan

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jahonay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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I wanted to buy the perfect Vincent Van Gogh costume for a Halloween party, but I couldn't find one.

They were all ear-regular.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Stop looking for the perfect match..

Use a lighter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But they concluded a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I have a perfect memory.

I honestly can’t remember a single time I’ve ever forgotten anything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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If I dont perfect human cloning..

I won't be able to live with myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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One of my friends brags all the time that he can make a perfect circle

It seems pointless to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avery101912
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Laying out a baseball field, looks pitcher perfect to me imgur.com/gallery/yHC2YnG
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranky_Windlass
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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Why does programmers have perfect vision?

Because they can C++

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRangez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Nobody is perfect.

But my crush is perfect. So my crush is Nobody. Nobody loves me. My crush loves me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonheatz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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What’s the perfect first date?

January 1st

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emitremmus27
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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A almost perfect cylindirt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HamHedXD
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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In the Disney animated picture, Ratatouille, Remy controls Linguini actions by pulling his hair, giving him a perfect palette. The little chef’s squeak is the only other voice Linguini ever really hears at home.

I guess you could say Remy is Linguini’s voice of season

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Truly perfect on Reddit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uknon325
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm

It's a metro-gnome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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My wife’s body is perfect in every way except that she wears glasses.

It’s okay though. I’m willing to look past that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DBones90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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What’s the perfect name to give to your first sim?

Simone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wxlson
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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There’s this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.

My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can’t wait to see them all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Volumed_Coyote_60
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Perfect for cooking circles. ⭕️
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoliOnABudget
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/articElite0
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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How to ensure the perfect dad joke:

Make sure it's fully groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Me and my wife were scrambling to leave the house today. I happened to introduce myself to the mailman at the perfect time. His name was Mikey. Just then I turned back inside...

And yelled "HONEY, I FOUND THEM!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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