Overseas Puns

It almost completely happens underseas.

He was the sole survivor.

I think he can’t hear me.

I have a Masters in Oceanography.

Friend: what would happen if sheep and wolves got together and had babies?

me: oh, I bet they'd be so cute!

Friend: right? they'd be like wooly wolves

me: they'd be woolves!

Dad: Anything new, seeing anyone? Did that girl get back in town yet? Me: Nope, just hanging out. She's still abroad. Dad: Well, she's always a broad!

Rather than groan, I then laughed disproportionately. I've become my father...

....my grandfather was telling a story about how my sister used to sit on his right knee and my cousin would sit on his left knee. I then curiously asked "grandpa, where did I sit?" and he replied "Well of course adberq, you sat on my wee knee.".

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

“This time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because it’s such a terrible idea... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and they don’t repeal it, I’ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if I’m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a year”.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and won’t be repealed. So he says “deal”.

The beef farmer carries on:

“Actually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that I’ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and this policy doesn’t mean I need to sell half my cows, I’ll give you free steaks for a year. But if I’m right, and I do need to sell half my cows, you have to give me your prized boar, pumba”.

The pig farmer is confident that the beef farmer won’t need to sell any cows. So he says “deal”.

12 months pass following the introduction of the live export ban. The government hasn’t repealed the policy, but unfortunately the beef farmer has had to sell most of his cows.

Both farmers reconvene at the pub. The beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

“Well, it seems you were right about one thing but wrong about the other...

So... You may have won the cattle, but you’ve lost the boar!”.

But it was a big hit overseas

Customer: I'd like help setting up Skype so I can talk to my son.

Me: Oh, is he abroad?

Customer: No he's a man, he just lives overseas.

Me: ...

So I was on the red-eye flying overseas to meet my buddies for an epic roadtrip adventure. I got me a first class ticket because YOLO and I always wanted to try those convertible seat/beds.

So in the morning the flight attendants serve breakfast, which includes this tasty soup with poached egg in it. They offered drinks and they had champagne so I thought why the hell not.

There were delays and when we finally landed and I got to our meet up place, my mates were already there and gotten the bong out.

They said, "Where were you while we were getting high?"

"I was having..." and I turned to them, took my sunglasses off, and said, "champagne, soup and ova in the sky."

I joked with him about how the boxes are piling up and I need him to cut them up. He lives overseas so he said that if I buy his plane ticket, he'll come and do the work. I told him that my gardener Ebodio will cut the boxes if I ask him to, and much less money. To make my dad feel better, I (half-jokingly) say that Ebodio's technique is not as good and he will be slower, but he'll be a whole lot cheaper.

My dad's response: "I feel like I am being undercut"

Cousin recently got married. I live overseas and wasn't able to go. Asked my dad what the wedding was like.

"It was a bit weird, to be honest. They kept going on about cheese."

/mother, who also attended wedding, looks at him like 'wtf'

"Cheesus of Nazareth."

My roommate's girlfriend is currently participating in a study abroad program in Seoul, SK. She had posted something to my Facebook wall and my dad asked me over the phone what she is doing overseas. I told him and he asked what she studies. I said international affairs and without skipping a beat he said "Ah, I see: Boyfriend here, boyfriend there..."

flatmate has returned from overseas, they were coughing in the kitchen while doing dishes...

I said "oh no you have ebola!"

flatmate "no I have E-Plate-a"

We were talking about my semester overseas.

Me: I miss being abroad.

Boyfriend: Oh baby, you're still a broad.

Was at dinner with my SO's parents tonight when the subject of exotic animal meat for consumption came up.

SO: I was hoping I could try Zebra while I was overseas last year but never got the chance.

SO's dad: yeah, I bet Zebra is chockfull of white meat, dark meat, white meat, dark meat, white meat....

My mom was telling a story about her trip overseas.

"So there was a guy on the plane"
"Wow, you guys must have had a lot of space."
...
God damnit, dad.

My brother and friends are working on a truck when this happened:

Friend: what's that stuff you're putting on?

Brother: anti-seize

...

Me: we also have an uncle seize, but right now he's overseas.

There was a pause then some groans.