Double negatives are a real no-no.
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....
I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag, but all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby
Felt like posting something positive today
At least that's what the sighentists say.
Turns out it was just saturday night fever
(Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)
it was a PELI-CAN'T!
This isn't a dad joke--I really want to no.
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
Itβs currently half empty.
Heβd stop at nothing to stay away from them
2020:stay away from positive people
From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
Too bad it was my IQ test.
A pepsimist
But sum are
Oil be back!
So I shouted βIβ
Or does it take time to develop?
A soup can't
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘I told him it's my negative karma.
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
"I don't see how you do it man, just losing electrons all day, seems really depressing."
So the anode says to the cathode:
"It doesn't bother me, why you gotta be so negative all the time? I've been positively charged all day!"
Then the root of your fear is imaginary
Negative pressure.
At least he told us to be positive.
I will stop at nothing to avoid going into negative numbers.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.
it's currently half empty
As he died he kept on insisting for us to βbe positiveβ, but itβs hard without him.
Hell stop at nothing to avoid them
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
He stops at nothing to avoid them
Itβs currently half empty
