Iβm keeping my ion U
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I tell them that I am short-sighted.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Heβd stop at nothing to stay away from them
This isn't a dad joke--I really want to no.
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
So I shouted βIβ
Oil be back!
I suspect theyβll use antimony.
True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:
Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, letβs see if you studied for the test...
Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)
Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?
Patient: No
Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?
Patient: No
Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?
Patient (sometimes): Yes
Me: Do you know the results of the test?
Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative
Me: You donβt know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)
Patient: It was negative
Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)
Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)
Me: Dad jokes have to happen... π
/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh
Iβll leave out the negative jokes here.
Only the positive ones!
You can tri to stop me,
Adding these together just makes it so much better.
We may be divided because of this,
But not all jokes are made equal,
But y=Mx+b jokes are great, yet at some point we have to draw a line. Itβs an especially slippery slope to go down.
He stopped at nothing to avoid them.
Because it didnβt open up.
She said I couldnβt..... but i can.
We owe you one.
Iβve decided to quit reading.
https://i.imgur.com/c5MhLLH.jpg
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘Negative.
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
Winegums.
The double negative is a complete no no!
Quick PSA: I had the Russian Covid19 vaccination yesterday and can tell you there are absolutely no negative sideffski efectovski secundariosvki ΠΡΠΎ ΠΌΠΎΠΆΠ΅Ρ ΡΡΠΎ ΠΏΡΠΎΡΠΈΡΠ°ΡΡ, ΡΡΠΎ ΡΡΠΎΠ΄Π»ΠΈΠ²ΡΠΉ ΠΏΠ°ΡΠ΅Π½Ρ. ΠΠ±ΠΎΠΆΠ°Ρ ΠΠ»Π°Π΄ΠΈΠΌΠΈΡΠ° ΠΡΡΠΈΠ½Π°!
-
Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.
-
Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.
-
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!
-
Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.
-
Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.
-
Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.
-
Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasnβt greater than or less than anyone else.
-
What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple
-
What do you call a number that canβt stay in one place? A Roaminβ numeral.
-
Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.
-
What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.
-
Iβll do algebra, Iβll do trig. Iβll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!
-
Why should you never talk to Pi? Because sheβll go on and on and on forever.
-
Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? Itβs a shame theyβll never meet.
-
Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
-
Whatβs the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.
-
Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? Theyβd stop at nothing to avoid them.
-
How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where itβs always 90 degrees.
-
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!
-
Why DID seven eat nine? Because youβre supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
-
Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
Hell stop at nothing to avoid them
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
He stops at nothing to avoid them
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them
He would stop at nothing to avoid them.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘...he would stop at nothing to avoid them.
