A roofer was decapitated today while telling a dirty joke to his co-worker

I'm not sure what the joke was, but somebody should get his head out of the gutter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcsmurf112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-

You really are a head of your times

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Someone gets decapitated in a show

Oh it's just a flesh wound don't lose your head over it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrimpyhook3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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Decapitated people die instantly

That's a no-brainer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0t__em
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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What did the decapitated group of singers call themselves?

The Headless Chorus-Men

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McTurtleHurdles
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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Just watched a movie where the main protagonist decapitates a guy with a car’s rear fin.

Oh sorry, β€œSPOILERS A HEAD”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bentup85
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I went to stay on a farm and had to decapitate a chicken for dinner...

It was murder most fowl!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Why did the athlete decapitate the other athlete?

To get ahead (a head) of the competition

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StumptheTrump1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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Sister: Did you hear about that actress who stabbed someone? Reese something or other?

Me: Witherspoon?

Sister: No! With a knife!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/takesnosides
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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This has been the highlight of my day. (X-post from /r/funny)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamaicanPineapple
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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What’s the quickest way to get ahead in life?

Decapitation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shplurgle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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What kind of coffee does Marie Antoinette like?

Decapitated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghstmnky
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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How are bottles executed?

Decapitation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bomemeianrhapsody
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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Just a few one-liners my dad thought up tonight

"Parallel lines struggle to make ends meet".

"Decapitated man can't get ahead".

"Reformed junkie encouraged to get back on the horse".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Earthwire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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My son pulled the pump cap off the shampoo bottle and threw it on the floor...

He told me he deCAPitated it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yugogrl2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-

You really are a head of your time

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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