They always miss the point.
That's why I used it indoors
was unpresidented.
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
..play by the Rouxs.
It makes people uncomfortable when they see you mask debating in public.
It was just a Lye
No, pigs do that!
It was the hurricane, it blew the competition away
In order to catch its prey it constructed a cunning trap of a grand piano suspended above a target, it then baited the trap with seed and lay in wait for a road runner to pass by.
Very interesting.
Because it's super natural
Because it is full of bugs.
She had an excuse but it seemed fabricated.
I constantly knock on wood.
Because one is a repost.
I think that's bananas!
Hi Everyone!
So I have a request for you all. Some friends and I are starting a new Pathfinder Campaign. Specifically, Hell's Rebels. I noticed one point mentioned that mint is now outruled, as one of the more 'insane' laws being put into place. Naturally, I have designed my character entirely around that.
Thus, the Chef Pana Kouta is born. I hope to 'pepper' some puns throughout the campaign, and would love to have some help from you all!
To summarise Hell's Rebels: A city of freedom is put under martial law, and the party will become leaders of a rebellion to stop the tyranny as the new leader begins issuing more and more insane laws.
Stupid Subway
Holmes noticed that Watson was looking a bit sick for a few days.
"What's wrong, Watson?", he asked. "You seem a bit down."
"Nothing, Holmes. Just having some stomach problems." Watson said. "Constipation, you know. I've suffered for a while."
"Constipation? So you have trouble answering the, ahem, nature's call?" Holmes asked.
"No shit, Sherlock."
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
"It's the numbers you use to call your imaginary girlfriend."
But it was too Tsunami
but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
You know. “Cause spiders are naturally good web designers.”
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.
I'm a prime target
I'm just not qualified to handle his dino-might.
I could do it with my eyes closed.
Because nature abhors a vacuum
Suddenly qualified to tell dad jokes
Idk but I'm pretty sure they'd be some nice environmentitties
A plant based beef
Hops springs eternal.
The son said, “What’s slash dad jokes?” Kids, right!
All it’s been doing is collecting dust
Herbivore...
My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.
One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.
Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?”
My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle.”
Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.
Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”
The Teflons.
So naturally, I have been genetically gifted with the ability to run relatively slowly over very short distances.
Naturally, I went to the doctor, and unfortunately I tested positive for Corolla Virus.
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
Because nature abhors a vacuum
It's good for the Seoul.
Insecticide
They were selling chairs.
They say she's a flat earther.
None.
They say it's Mother nature's biggest fan.
I don't really know, but I think they are a tad polish.
Once you pass the last Lap, you're at the Finnish line.
I'll show myself out...
Everyone was taken aback.
steven: even numbers
stephen: ephen numbers
Because that’s not natural
He died of natural clauses.
Elon's Musk
Unpresidented.
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
