A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Hydrogenated THC oil is a high margarine commodity
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︎ Dec 30 2020
What did the Tibetan Monk say when he saw Jesus in a tub of margarine?
"I can't believe it's not Buddha."
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Margarine is good
But it's not butter than the alternative
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Why were margarine's parents disappointed in her?
They had raised her butter.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
A lot of people consider me to be the margarine of comedy
I tell a joke and they canβt believe itβs not better.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Good bakers use real butter so that there is no margarine for error.
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︎ Jul 11 2019
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine?
He said βi cant believe its not Buddhaβ
π︎ 244
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︎ Dec 20 2019
I started a company to sell my recipe of soy based margarine.
Its soyda butter... and soyda not!
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 16 2020
Did you know about the guy who only eats margarine?
π︎ 5
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︎ May 10 2019
A breadbox is talking to his fellow margarine stick...
βWhereβs my money?β asked the box.
βIβll get it to you, donβt worry!β the stick answered, slipping up on his words and having a meltdown.
βWell, you butter get it to me quickly, or youβre toast!β
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︎ May 07 2019
Did you hear the joke about margarine?
I butter not tell it, it might spread.
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 17 2017
My friend was told to use a margarine tub as a protective cup...
...but he was afraid he'd get a knob of butter.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 28 2014
What's the difference between butter and margarine?
There is margarinely more fat in butter!
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 11 2015
I can't believevits not butter
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jun 21 2020
I recently switched from using mayonnaise to using butter for making grilled cheese sandwiches. My wife said she liked them more with the butter, but kindly asked me if it was more work this way?
I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."
Note: this really happened.
π︎ 357
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︎ Jul 28 2020
I have an idea for a new product: a butter substitute mixed with an aphrodisiac.
I'm calling it Margarine of Eros.
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 24 2020
People who make dairy puns have it really hard.
They are, after all, a margarine-alized community.
π︎ 16
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︎ Aug 01 2020
The 5 stages of butter
π︎ 5k
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︎ Sep 16 2019
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it.
π︎ 233
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︎ Apr 13 2020
I wrote some new jokes and theyβre all about butter.
Theyβre margarinely funny.
π︎ 21
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︎ Jun 13 2020
I told a joke about fake butter...
...it was marginally funny.
π︎ 16
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︎ Apr 11 2020
Dad just hit me with this
A buddhist monk had a religious crisis. He open a tub of margarine and saw the face of Jesus. He said to himself "I can't believe it's not buddha." (Prounounced buddah)
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︎ May 31 2020
I heard stores are running out of butter as well.
That's not even margarinely funny
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 08 2020
When choosing between salted and unsalted butter,
There's no margarine for error
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 17 2020
A buddy and I had a butter eating contest.
I won by a 3-stick margarine.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 08 2020
A recent study in America asked people their preferred butter
48% of Americans chose real butter, whilst the other 51% opted for a substitute.
The study concluded that imitations are only margarineally butter.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 16 2020
On a scale from "I can't believe it's not butter" to "that's definitely butter"
I'd say my day could have been butter.
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 17 2019
I canβt believe itβs not butter
Every once in a while I buy the wrong kind of imitation butter at the grocery store. Itβs ok though. Itβs still within my margarine of error
π︎ 11
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︎ Sep 16 2019
Turns out butter makes plain toast betterβ¦
β¦but only margarine-ally so.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 23 2019
My wife thinks i keep trying to butter her up...
But I would never margarinize her like that
π︎ 66
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︎ Jul 21 2018
What do you call a butter substitute that's always wrong?
π︎ 170
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︎ Sep 24 2015
Dad strikes this line, while in line at a theme park last year.
(We see butterfly near flowers)
Dad: Hey, you think that's a butterfly... or a margarine fly? (LAUGHS)
(groaning proceeds)
π︎ 22
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︎ Jan 21 2017
Couldn't have said it butter myself
Brother: "Is margarine healthier than butter?"
Nephew: "Margarinally healthier"
π︎ 21
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︎ Oct 11 2016
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.
I canβt believe itβs not better.
π︎ 86
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︎ Nov 05 2020
A tub of margarine fell on my Foot last week
And it's still bruised, I can't believe it's not better.
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 18 2020
What did the monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a margarine tub?
I can't believe it's not Buddah.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 20 2020
What did the monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in his margarine tub?
I can't believe it's not buddha
π︎ 39
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︎ Dec 22 2019
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, Iβm not going to spread it!
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 26 2019
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