Meh
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Why don’t they watch tv in Afghanistan
What’s the best way to trap a polar bear?
First drill a hole in the ice and line it with green peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole!
(Told to me by my dad at dinner this evening)
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?
They work on any levels:)
The police officer made me pay up for my crime.
Time flies like an arrow...
Fruit flies like a banana
During his wedding, my friend told me that I was the worst best man he has ever seen.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I can't believe my FitBit still shows no progress...
How much more jogging my memory must I do?
When I was in school I got asked, "What is 3000 converted into Roman Numerals ?"
Two pieces of bread are talking to each other
Bread 1: So you like mold now?
Bread 2: Yeah it grew on me
Why was the chicken held in contempt of court?
My therapist refused to help me with my fear of backing up my car
She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon
My friend asked me how I come up with so many erectile dysfunction jokes.
This morning I asked my wife like a reporter, "The world wants to know, what it's like being married to the funniest man alive?"
She said, "Meh."
So I immediately said, "You heard it here, folks, it's a meh zing."
Do you want to hear a mean joke?
A physicist, an engineer and a statistician go on a hunting trip. They see a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance to the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, he fires but misses five feet to the left.
The engineer says he forgot to account for the wind, takes the rifle, aims and misses five feet to the right. The statistician claps and says "we got him!".
What do you call a depressed traffic jam?
My grandparents disowned me after I joined the trades as a brick-layer.
They eventually reconciled after I got a promotion, but still consider me as a meh-son.
I strip wires for a living.
It’s not a glamorous job, but at least I can make ends meet.
What did Julius Ceasar say after a disappointing sip of his overly sweet orange juice?
If you ever miss 4:20, just wait until 4:22 comes, because 4:22 is 4:20 too
Thought this belonged here
Dark humor is like a pair of legs
This is absolutely horrible
Why did the shower head do drugs
peer PRESSURE
[Request] Cone-Based Band Names
I'm looking for band names that involve the word cone (specifically traffic cones). A few examples I have come up with are "The Rolling Cones," "Earth Wind and Cone," and "The Conas Brothers." I'm sure there are lots of good ones that I'm not thinking of.
Be polite when eating a French sandwìch
Why should you only drink apple juice?
Her: Did you just pretend to like romantic comedies when we were dating?
Me: Yes. I don’t love Love Actually actually.
What type of cereal does my nan eat?
Where do you go for an average vacation
The Amish have an auto-immune disease.
A great name for a Cake cover band.
What do you call an Italian man with arm shorter than the other
What does a dentist do when he runs?
What do cows write their deepest secrets in?
I was going to make a sodium joke on my son.
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