I worked security at a chemical plant. There had been a string of robberies at nearby chemical plants, and one night... lo and behold- we heard the alarm...

My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorus…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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What do J-Lo and A-Rod have in common?

They both make hits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/endless_thread
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haha_Lostboys18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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What does Los Angeles have in common with the Hobbit?

Smaug.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?

Re:LAX

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptavis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Why did Watson go to Los Angeles for his next case?

Because that’s where he was told he could find Holmes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boricimo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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ΒΏA quΓ© santo encienden velas los vegetarianos?

SandΓ­a

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olearyst
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Los in da Sauce
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bichir567
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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What's the difference between The University of California-Berkeley and The University of California- Los Angeles?

At one UCLA and the other one UC-Berkeley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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What happens when the smog clears from over Los Angeles?

UCLA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacey_kasey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a crow in Boston communicate with a crow in Los Angeles?

Long distance caw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Wave hair-lo!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/biaskeen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
In this morning's Los Angeles Times i.reddituploads.com/6263b…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2016
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What color are stores in Los Angeles?

LAvendor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/louisng114
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I would not want to take an airline out of Los Angeles...

The security is always so LAX

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndyK2001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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A lot of the material in my act pokes fun at the life style of people who live in los-angeles.

I call it SoCal commentary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OgreMonk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Disaster at the Los Angeles zoo today

when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosvicious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
A friend from Los Angeles is visiting...

But I really don't want to talk to them. I'm worried I might have SoCal anxiety disorder.

...And admittedly, I was hesitant to share that pun. I'm worried it LAX something important, or that it's just going to get Los in translation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoePeppy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I took the last of my daughter's lo mein...

"Daddy, that's my lo mein!"

"Yeah, now what do you have?"

She frowns and says "no mein."

"Yup."

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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I saw this formal wear delivery truck driving around Los Angeles last night.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopeghostandy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Officer Lo

My dad is a corrections officer. Him and another guy, office Lo, are watching a prisoner at the hospital.

My dad said "if the prisoner acts up, I go high, he go Lo"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheehan7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
🚨︎ report
And lo, an angel appeared unto the prophet Isaiah, and said:

Angel: "Behold! I exceed ninety degrees!"

Isaiah: "Uh... what?"

And the angel gave no explanation and vanished.

Isaiah muttered: "What an obtuse angel."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Looks like Los Angeles "dodged" the World Series (x-post /r/StLouis)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bangarang0987
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
🚨︎ report
Got my dad in Los Angeles

So my dad and I were going around the Hollywood walk of fame, and we saw Tom Jones's star. My dad is a big fan, so he took a picture of it, but there was dirt all over it, along with a bunch of the others around it. My dad said "Of course Tom Jones's star is the dirty one." And I said "no dad, that's not unusual," and I got a blank stare until he laughed and gave me a high five

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πŸ‘€︎ u/declanm2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My daughter orders Lo Mein at our local Chinese restaurant

I asked her if she wanted a high side to go with her lo Mein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gryphalon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Security at Los Angeles International Airport was very chill

I guess it was LAX.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
🚨︎ report
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?

UCLA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens on a clear day in Los Angeles?

UCLA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elpachecoman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?

UCLA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report

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