44 Hilarious Lie Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

THE GRAM CRACKER IS A LIE

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👤︎ u/johntwit

📅︎ Dec 22 2020

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You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

👍︎ 7k

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👤︎ u/stunner19

📅︎ May 11 2020

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What do you call a dad that has changed gender and can’t lie?

Transparent

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👤︎ u/manpatpost

📅︎ Nov 27 2020

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IK its corny but: why does Frank never lie

He speaks frankly

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/mohamed12349

📅︎ Nov 18 2020

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When is it a crime to just lie there?

In court, under oath.

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👤︎ u/lfantine

📅︎ Nov 16 2020

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They had us in the first half not gonna lie

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👤︎ u/AMswag123

📅︎ Aug 22 2020

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Not gonna lie

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👤︎ u/iwillstalkyousomeday

📅︎ Aug 07 2020

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I break every bed I lie down on...

Guess I must be a heavy sleeper

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/oil_moon

📅︎ Oct 02 2020

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Even when I lie I make sense

Call me license

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/FlintTheDad

📅︎ Aug 27 2020

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I tell everyone that I hate all romantic comedies, but that is a lie.

I love Love Actually actually.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Sep 10 2020

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The most rounded up base I've ever seen, not gonna lie

👍︎ 538

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👤︎ u/satire_scull

📅︎ Mar 03 2020

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Not going to lie...

I sleep standing up.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/CanadianShadow

📅︎ Sep 01 2020

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Never lie to an X-ray technician

they can see right through you

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/farrukhsshah

📅︎ Aug 28 2020

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I always lie behind my wife's back and I hate it...

I want to be the little spoon too sometimes.

👍︎ 64

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👤︎ u/FaTb0i8u

📅︎ Jun 12 2020

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A dad brought back lie detector robot..

Dad: son if you lie the robot slaps you.

Son: ok

Dad: did you drink at the party?

Son : no dad i...

Robot slaps son on the face

Dad: did you do drugs?

Son: no i swear..

Robot slaps son on the face

Dad: sigh , why did you turn out like this? Back in the days all i did was studying and...

Robot slaps dad on the face

Mom: haha like father like son

Robot slaps mom on the face

Edit: sorry this is daddies i can go

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/Ninokuni13

📅︎ Aug 14 2020

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Dentists can lie,

but they must tell the tooth!

👍︎ 9

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👤︎ u/shagminer

📅︎ Jul 22 2020

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I had a tumor that made it uncomfortable to lie on my back, so I had to sleep face down.

Doc said it was prostrate cancer.

Guess I'm prone.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/lfantine

📅︎ Jul 16 2020

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What do you call a girl who can't lie?

Polly Graff

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/Datolite7

📅︎ Jun 30 2020

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My 4 year old cousin told me that cows make milk. So naturally I told her the brown cows make chocolate milk. And her jaw hit the floor. I then told her that pink cows make strawberry milk and then she caught me in my lie and said...

No, pigs do that!

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/ball_hawk15

📅︎ Jun 26 2020

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Pretty good not gonna lie

👍︎ 37

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👤︎ u/miyako52713

📅︎ Mar 09 2020

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A man buys a lie detector robot

That slaps people who lie, and be decides to try it out on his son during dinner.

“Where were you during school hours?” He asks.

“At school!” His son replies.

The robot slaps the boy.

“Ok I was at my friends house....” His son says.

“What were you doing there?

“Reading comics!”

The robot slaps the son again.

“Ok ok!! We were watching an erotic movie...”

“What?? I didn’t even know erotic movies existed when I was your age!” The dad exclaims.

The robot quickly slaps him.

His wife laughs and says, “Wow, he really IS your son-“

The robot slaps the wife.

👍︎ 360

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👤︎ u/bot_10

📅︎ Oct 27 2019

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Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?

He made a grave mistake.

👍︎ 610

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👤︎ u/notdadbot

📅︎ Oct 29 2019

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Why can an average person never lie?

They always mean everything.

👍︎ 9

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👤︎ u/Mush_Tilly

📅︎ May 11 2020

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What do you call someone who has the ability to pull off a lie in every situation?

A Liability

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/ikissedtaylorswift

📅︎ Jun 01 2020

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How can you tell when Truth tells a lie?

When it makes a False move.

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/Zxphenomenalxz

📅︎ Mar 26 2020

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You know, sometimes, as I lie in bed, looking up into the great night sky, counting each star and watching the moon slowly float by, I think to myself:

"Where the fuck is my roof?"

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👤︎ u/LucasAllenSimms

📅︎ Feb 13 2020

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What did the angry lie say to the truth?

FACT U!

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/11_iamthewalrus_24

📅︎ Feb 07 2020

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That was a good pun not gonna lie

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/Jokes-n-Memes

📅︎ Jul 14 2019

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Took a second, not gonna lie

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/icarusnada

📅︎ May 30 2019

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Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Dec 08 2019

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I’m exhausted! When I get home from work I’m just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.

This evening’s definitely looking up

👍︎ 24

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👤︎ u/BD_4

📅︎ Nov 06 2019

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My mother’s boss spelt this on the sign outside the nearby nursery (not gonna lie I think it’s actually pretty funny)

👍︎ 97

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👤︎ u/FireFlower85

📅︎ Mar 20 2019

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Sometimes I lie down and spin to one side

That's just how I roll

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/DicDacMan

📅︎ Nov 01 2019

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And I cannot lie

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/-window-bread-

📅︎ Jul 20 2019

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kinda dry, not gonna lie

👍︎ 38

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👤︎ u/ryannbajaj

📅︎ May 14 2019

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Lie detector tests can be very

unrelieable

👍︎ 15

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👤︎ u/Kwahn

📅︎ Sep 19 2019

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Advice for girls: Find a man with a job, a man that makes you laugh, a man who doesn't lie to you, and a man who spoils you.

And make sure that these four men don't know each other.

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/Jan_Tik

📅︎ Oct 06 2019

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Numbers don’t lie

You can count on them

👍︎ 9

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👤︎ u/NyanCake123

📅︎ Dec 19 2018

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Not gonna lie guys, this one is pretty corny

👍︎ 24

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👤︎ u/sladeerickson

📅︎ Nov 25 2018

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Why do cows lie on each other in the rain

To keep each udder dry

👍︎ 77

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👤︎ u/PB_Monk3y

📅︎ Dec 16 2018

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Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

👍︎ 225

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Jan 12 2019

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Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?

He made a grave mistake.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/notdadbot

📅︎ Oct 31 2019

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A father buys a lie detector that slaps people when they lie. He decided to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”

Dad asks “What movie were you watching?” The son replies “Finding Nemo”. The robot slaps the son. He then sais “Okay, okay. We were watching porn”

Dad said “What?! At your age I didn’t know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says “Wow. He certainly is your son.”

The robot slaps the mother.

👍︎ 393

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👤︎ u/gavralex04

📅︎ Sep 15 2018

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Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?

He made a grave mistake.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/notdadbot

📅︎ Nov 07 2019

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