The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "

I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
The nation of Iran lies between the ancient lands of Babylon to the west and the mountains of Afghanistan to the east...

In other words, it’s between Iraq and a hard place.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies on its back 100 ft in the air?

A centipede

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When Lil Uzi Vert lies down...

Does he call himself Lil Uzi Horizont?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstleyAstroplane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s Orange and Lies Constantly?

An abandoned basketball, but I like where your head’s at.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xeper-Institute
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know ghosts can't tell lies?

You can see right through them.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/roeswood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a municipality with lies?

With a mend-a-city program :)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCalifornian
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Beauty lies in the eye of the bee-holder.
πŸ‘︎ 391
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saintwithataint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What's Blue and lies under a mushroom ?

Smurf poop

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
21st June 2020 lies on Sunday, which is also Father's Day, but since we have Solar Eclipse on that day, it's actually Sun-day.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aradhya23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies on the ground 100ft in the air?

A dead centipede

πŸ‘︎ 400
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_hubby
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Harry potter had always been hesitant about telling lies when under the invisibility cloak

people always said that they could see right through him!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepokokputih
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My jokes have gotten so dad-ly

I've had to register them in three states.

They're considered cruel and unusual punishment in the other 47.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dracolytch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Cirrus-ly though
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vErY_aMuSeD_aRi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do call a lion that always lies?

A lion lion

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JormungandrSerp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies on the ocean floor and shakes?

A nervous wreak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeskiePete
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate it when a teacher lies and says the homework will be a piece of cake?

It always tastes like paper.

πŸ‘︎ 535
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I discovered a locomotive that never lies...

I call it the true true train

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YouIdiotSandwhich
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If a battery is dead does that mean it is current ly not working.

I kind of thought it was a positive joke.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dendeqtele
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies on the ocean floor twitching uncontrollably?

A nervous wreck

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call gumbo that only tells lies?

Jumbaliar

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealesJumly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If a battery is dead does that mean it is current ly not working. reddit.com/r/puns/comment…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dendeqtele
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies on a seabed and shivers?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mightyale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who lies awake at night ?

A liar

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wakanda4eva4eva
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when Hitler doesn't lie, then lies once, then again, then two more times, then three times, then five, then eight, then thirteen times?

A fibber Nazi sequence.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dragondorkdad
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Beauty lies in the eyes of the... (not mine, but still funny) m.imgur.com/Ca0CRPV
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fogledude102
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
If a Hobit lies all the time

Does that make him a hobitual liar?

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kcompto2
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What lies under the sea?

Space.

Told to me by my 9yr old.

Edit: the space bar is under the C key for the that don't get it.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rarebit13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Albert Einstein lies on his deathbed.

He had a stroke of genius.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Caldroson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A Canadian lies about a gym membership to sneak in a workout. How does he feel the next morning?

Sore-y

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/errsta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Hitler, Goebbels, Goering and Himmler stand in a line and tell lies?

A Fibber Nazi Sequence.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bookshelfstud
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
🚨︎ report
Following a bad breakup a bartender advised me that happiness lies at the bottom of a tequila bottle

I took it with a grain of salt

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
A book with a lot of lies in it twitter.com/BenChapmanMag…
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotABMWDriver
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?

A nervous wreck

(for da best effect read in a nice piratey voice me lads)

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JephriB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
National Geographic: "Nearly 3/4 of our planet lies underwater"

My dad: "I wonder what it is about water that makes people so dishonest?"

πŸ‘︎ 164
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CptGurney
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck

πŸ‘︎ 303
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies on its back 100 ft in the air?

A centipede

πŸ‘︎ 482
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iwfabrication
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aakshaj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/420_esketit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wheezy360
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravenwarrior131
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report

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