This cake was lit (made by me)
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︎ May 08 2020
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said βstay away from fireβ, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
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︎ Jul 15 2020
My dashboard lit up before the fin fell off the back of my car.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 13 2020
I was cold while in my kayak so I lit a fire and it sunk
Shows you canβt have your kayak and heat it too!
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︎ May 10 2020
I was messing around with my wife while we were camping and accidentally lit her hair on fire...
Sheβs not going to divorce me, but she was fuming.
π︎ 10
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︎ May 05 2020
Lit on two separate levels
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︎ Dec 20 2019
Isreal lit in the comment section
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︎ Jul 04 2019
What do you call santa if he goes down a lit chimney?
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︎ Dec 01 2019
This water is lit!
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︎ Jun 05 2019
I heard today kids today are smoking mushrooms trying to get high. How in the world do they keep the pizza lit?
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︎ Nov 21 2019
Possibly better than Quiz-lit
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 06 2019
Switch to the lighter switch (They look lit)
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︎ Mar 04 2019
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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︎ Jul 09 2019
This is LIT π‘
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︎ Mar 19 2019
Thomas Edison really lit up the scientific world
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︎ Jul 16 2019
I like how they light the Olympic torch near Athens, then it stays lit all the way to the opening ceremony.
I guess it's hard to put out a Greece fire.
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︎ Feb 10 2018
My school had a fire it was pretty lit
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︎ May 09 2019
What's more lit than socks with sandals?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 20 2019
You guys hear about the latest batch of Jim Beam? I've been told it's pretty lit.
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︎ Jul 03 2019
A friend of mine lit a pile of wood on fire
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︎ Jun 03 2019
it must suck to be a lit candle
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︎ Apr 17 2019
I majored in English. My education was lit.
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︎ Aug 10 2018
I canβt claim to know why they green lit the new Sonic movie
But Iβm guessing they were hopped up on speed
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︎ Apr 30 2019
My night's gonna be lit.
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︎ Sep 29 2017
A man filling his car with gas, got some gas on his arm. He got in his car and lit a cigarette lighting his arm on fire. He flails around and other patrons help him put it out, just then 2 cops roll up...
They arrest him for waving a fire arm.
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︎ Jan 31 2019
Went to visit my brother in the city and noticed he had cute little statues in his garden that lit up and moved around with the music he had piped out there.
He said they were metro gnomes.
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︎ Jan 24 2019
What does the farmer say when he wants to make his party lit?
Hey, lettuce turnip the beet!
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︎ Apr 26 2018
Itβs been a month since I quit my job transcribing pre-Classical Greek lit into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
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︎ Nov 24 2018
I dropped a lit match, all i could say was...
that fire got out of hand
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︎ Jul 02 2014
Lit and Lighted
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︎ May 13 2014
We discussed Robert Frost's "Mending Wall" today in Lit
Me: so I guess you could say he rides the fence about fences.
Classmate: and he doesn't want anyone to take offence about it.
Me: I gate what you're saying.
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︎ Jan 28 2015
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft...
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Nov 30 2016
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank
Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
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︎ Nov 25 2018
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