Do your worst!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
Recently Muslim United Liberation Tigers of Assam (MULTA) have once again raised its ugly head, so internet services have been shut down and a Curfew imposed in the region, now it is the time to deal with them with force. Of the six camps, two are in Bangladesh but we have got permission to use Artillery on them.
Operation Tiger Poaching would be conducted in two parts, both carried out simultaneously:
Part 1: Artillery
Two teams, A and B respectively, comprising of the following units would be deployed near the Indo-Bangladesh border and start firing early in the morning before dawn.
| Name | Type | Number | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Dhanush | 155 mm towed howitzer | 2 Batteries | |
| Pinaka MBRL Mk2 | MLRS | 1 Battery | |
| IAI Searcher Mark-II | Reconnaissance UAV | 2 |
After a few rounds of firing, Bangladesh Police would search the camps for any surviving terrorist, arms or documents. Since the Accuracy of our equipment of high enough and no civilians structure within 900m of the camps, no collateral damage is expected.
Part 2: Air Strikes
For the first time after 1966 Indian Air Force is being authorised to carry out Air strikes in a territory under Indian control and during the pre mission briefing a Su-30 pilot reportedly said that they should do it more often.
The basic plan is clear, just before the dawn go and bomb the camps, come back and then the Pilots can have a day off.
| Aircraft | Squadron, Base | Number | Target | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| HAL Tejas Mk2 | No. 18 Squadron (Flying Bullets from Tezpur AFS | 3 | Camp 1 | Armed with Sudarshan |
| Sukhoi Su-30MKI | No.2 Squadron (Winged Arrows) from Tezpur AFS | 3 | Camp 2 | Armed withGPB-HSLD-500 kg |
| No. 106 Squadron (Lynxes) from Tezpur AFS | 3 | Camp 5 | Armed with[GPB-HSLD-500 kg](http |
There hasn't been a post all year!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
Itβs pronounced βNoel.β
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Bob
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
βBOOMβ?!
Because his Visa didnβt work.
"That's what they're fighting about."
free
Mitroon! The Naxals have recently claimed lives of 2008 Indian citizens, saying that we will kill five of their men for each Indian killed would be a gross overvaluation of lives of these worthless terrorists, still this is my, the Government's, commitment to you. Our forces have already taken about 700, nine thousands still remain. With immediate effect, I am withdrawing CRPF battalions except CoBRA commandos from red corridor, they served us well all these years but this threat is well above their level, and an equal number of Army Battalions would take their place ...
-Extracts from the PM Modi's monthly radio address 'Mann Ki Baat'
---
Three Naxals Camps in central India have been identified with 50-150 men in each [M: BLOPs mods can confirm]. To each of them, the following would be sent:
| Name | Type | Number | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Dhanush | 155 mm towed howitzer | 2 Batteries | With unguided rounds |
| Pinaka MBRL Mk2 | MLRS | 1 Battery | |
| HAL Light Combat Helicopter (Limited Series Production) | Attack helicopter | 1 | |
| IAI Searcher Mark-II | Reconnaissance UAV | 2 | |
| OFB Yuktirath | MRAP | 5 | With 10 armed CoBRA commandos on each. |
Since the pressure IED used by Naxals are deadly and limbs flying around don't do much good for morale, initially the howitzers and MLRS will stay at a safe distance(about 60-80 Km) and rain down munition on the camps. The attack helicopter would provide firing support. After some time, when by the use of drones it is made sure that no further use of artillery is required, OFB Yuktirath would carry troops to recover any money, arms or documents that weren't destroyed in the firing.
A happy Uncle.....
"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"
Iβd never seen him be 4.
Ice-olation.
She's only eleven and says she came up with that by herself. I'm so proud πππ
"No, it doesn't."
We couldn't afford a dog...
Actually different
