I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.
I'm never leaving a living will.
As soon as my foot falls asleep, my wife's going to declare me brain dead.
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
I cant see why I am posting this, no one else will see this post
I just downloaded the new app which will evaluate you bank account and tell you which Apple product you can afford. Turns out I can afford,
I told my suitcases just now there will be no holiday this year.
I'm now dealing with emotional baggage.
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.
He's calling it "Faithbook".
I've invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it gets within 4 inches...
DO NOT carry them in your back pocket.
Today I will be talking about the Makita 18V Cordless 1/2-Inch Hammer Drive
To whoever stole my microsoft account, I will find you...
I’ve just been informed that a distant relative left me a very expensive watch in his will.
I hope it’s not a wind up
I believe that Jafar will, go on.
I don't know what decisions the Supreme Court will make in 2021 but one thing is for sure...
Im not a dad, I just like dad jokes, but I think I will one day have children just for dad jokes
Because im really dadicated to the bit
If I could give you a hint about the reading of my will when I die i would.
But it would be a Dead Giveaway
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.
I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.
I bet none of you will see this one coming
I’m such a state! What will Della wear to the picnic? And who else will be there? What will we do?
I think Texas coming. What will Delaware? I don’t know, Alaska! Iowa thanks to you for bringing this up! Maybe we can play some Tennessee? Indiana just don’t think we’ll know what to expect. Like last time, we don’t know Michigan.
In the store I saw some brightly coloured greeting cards that said, "I will always love only you "
They sold them in packs of 12.
I will have a very comfortable corpse bed when I die
It will be memory foam
I have strong memories
Send me your terrible puns and I will make equally terrible MS Paint adaptations
I told me therapist, “Last night, I had a nightmare that I was fighting Jason Bourne and Will Hunting at the same time.”
Therapist: I’m glad that you are finally battling your Damons.
First I got to run some errands and then I will
This food I made, will they eat it?
My girlfriend and I always disagree whether tea or coffee is superior, she said tea will always be there to comfort you, I said...
One of my best friends had her 50th birthday today and I told her “my next ones will only last 50 seconds!” She said, “Really?”
And, I said “Yes, because it will be my 52nd birthday!”
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"
"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
I saw a man with a sign that said “Will work for food.”
A beautiful woman approached him at the bar saying "I will do anything you want for $200" - He stammered...
For my next trick I will disappear,
Fuck you pear you taste like shit.
You stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you.
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
