If you ever had multiple orgasms with someone you’d know how wonderful it is. But then what, just shake hands and move on to the next? How can people just ignore the power of sex like that. Like it’s something insignificant. Like going to the grocery stores, I went to Trader Joe’s today so next time I’m gonna try Wholefoods?
Edit: looks like it’s not a problem for men. Maybe because men don’t have multiple orgasms lol.
My (24M) boyfriend (20M) and I just broke up. The reason? He missed Grindr too much. During the past few weeks, I could feel that something was off. He kept talking and kinda pressuring me about threesomes. He would always show me pictures of guys half naked and asked me if I found them hot. Then one day, I just discovered that he was actually talking to one of these guys he was showing me a picture of, telling him that we were down for a threesome even though I never agreed to do it and he even asked him for his Snapchat (but it wasn’t for nudes, of course). When I got mad at him over that, he then confessed that even though he loves me (I don’t believe it), part of him misses anonymous sex and he couldn’t see us be happy in the long run if he couldn’t have sex with all these other random guys.
It literally broke my heart. After all we’ve been through, all I’ve done for him, all the times he told me that he loved me, some random dudes with abs and big dicks are gonna make him more happy than I ever did.
Honestly I feel betrayed and powerless. It has absolutely destroyed my self confidence. I feel like I’m not enough. I don’t want to get out of my room anymore. I just wanna die and never date anyone ever again.
Mind you, this is not the first time this happened to me. I’ve been cheated on in previous relationships and been forced into being in an open relationship under the pressure of breaking up. I just hate it. This is not me. I’m not into this hookup bullshit. I don’t like having sex with strangers.It makes me feel disgusting and worthless. I like being with the one person that makes me happy. Why is this so hard to get when you’re gay? I feel like I’m never going to be in a happy relationship. I feel like I’m not even part of the community. I saw gay memes where they called the monogamous gays, "gays for straight people". The real gays are the "cigarette, piss and blood gays". Is that what I am, a gay for straight people? Because I don’t want to feel like a piece of meat in the perverted eyes of strangers? Everything about this community is so over sexualized and disgusts me. Now, everytime i see a TikTok with the #gay or I see a Grindr screenshot on a meme, it makes me want to break my phone and throw up.
I hate my life. I hate being gay. I want out. Why was I born like that? This is so unfair. I feel like I’m being punished for no reason.
Sorry for the long rant. I just wanted to get this out of my chest and didn’t know who to tell so I’m j
... keep reading on reddit ➡This is only my opinion but i think causal sex and hookups are only a way to destroy yourself rather than save yourself from your mental problem or another problem, you are like digging yourself deeper while you are already in a hole. And for women teenagers it’s not something empowering but degrading yourself to an extent that you will face another problem because of this in the future so think about the consequences first before you do this, and for men teenagers it’s not making you like the badass man in the world, it degrades yourself and you will face another problem in the future too. At the end of the day you will probably single until you die and dont really get a real emotional conncetion and happiness.
I hate that a lot of the time you can’t be genuinely excited to talk to someone anymore. If you exhibit signs of interest, to some people it just translates as being needy. There is so much mental bullshit that comes with doing things. I can’t just be on my phone during a break at work and message a girl back because it ‘hasn’t been long enough’ since she last messaged (or i last messaged) and apparently that’s needy too and it seems like you have no life. So you have to artificially create this timing because messaging too soon means that you’re desperate with nothing else going on in your life. When in actuality i just have 5 minutes to spare to write something. Overly complicated mental work.
Everyone i match with is so inundated with choices and it just feels like an exhausting competition of who can care the least so that when ghosting inevitably happens, they won’t be hurt as they’ve invested nothing. So much dating advice on this sub and otherwise echoes this sentiment. I’m not saying i want to marry a girl 2 days after messaging, but I just want to be able to give a shit. It’s so uncool to just be yourself when so many people adhere to what is ‘normal’ and ‘standard’ behavior. I want to put a less ranty, more eloquently put version of this on my profiles to find people who feel the same way, but even that comes across as bitter, woman hating etc and is unattractive. I want someone real, who doesn’t give a shit and isn’t scared to feel something. Dating is hard and feelings are always on the line…yes, that means you can get hurt. It had always been this way but OLD created a gross, mutated cultural way of thinking
I’m not just some bitter guy who never gets dates or hasn’t touched a girl…this is an observation over the years of using OLD on and off. And before people say get off the apps, it’s not exactly easy for some people to meet others organically in their life with certain jobs and lifestyle.
I’m 100% a sex positive person, not a prude at all, and maybe this is just my experience…but I can’t help but feel like most of the guys I chat with are sexually irresponsible. Maybe it’s because I work in healthcare, maybe it’s because I’m rarely on the apps, but the things I’m encountering are baffling to me.
A) Are dudes really out here being ok with getting raw-dogged by complete strangers? I get that it’s a hot fantasy, condoms can be uncomfortable, but practically, it’s SO unsafe.
B) Is it bad etiquette to ask for proof of someone’s last test STI/D screening? Attraction has been established, banter is sexy, then I’ll just get blocked when I pop the question lol.
Double vaccinated, boosted, but looking for raw orgies? I don’t get it lol. Help please.
INTJs, do you feel less attracted to, and less likely to participate in, “hookup culture”?
Gaybros, do you think that gay people involved in hookup culture are generally very calm/relaxed people and do you know on what personality traits / areas of life one should work on to be more comfortable/ generally relaxed gay person etc. and enjoy whole hookup experience the most lol? (having many gay friends, stabile income, partner with low libido?) I am fairly attractive, and get a lot of messages on grinder, but am not currently very comfortable with hookup culture (would like to work on myself to become some day) and also, would like to share whole that experience with someone but currently don't have such people in my life.. Thank you for reading
Like do they know who they're talking to, or has it just been about them being a good-little-ally this whole time??? My cis friends have done this to me a lot, and I want to politely confront them about it, but I'm just too fucking tired for confrontation and the risk of feeling more shitty when they get all butthurt like they're the victim. I won't even be asking for advice, I'll just be venting about a shitty guy that stood me up and they'll become really overly protective and say shit along the lines of, "OMG be careful!! usually those type of guys kill trans women"......?????? WHYY!! as if I didn't catch that and that's exactly what I was venting about!!! UNGGHHH
I'm the one getting messages from Grindr accounts (don't ask) titled "looking4trans" or "onlytrans" or whatever, NOT THEM. But I guess they have the cis-expertise on this issue and I'm somehow incapable of vetting guys out..? And then I have to disclose every precaution I've taken for THEIR peace of mind (something they wouldn't request from their cis friends) which leaves me second-guessing myself all over again because some cis-person doesn't trust my judgment on an experience they will NEVER understand.
I would love to join in any gal pal venting sess about shitty hookups, but suddenly when I start venting, it just becomes, "Ohhh be careful." "I would hate for something to happen to you" "Be safe" it's incredibly unsolicited and degrading.
The great majority of the people on there are merely interested in hookups or will lie to fuck and chuck.
Sorry, but I'm not interested in boinking someone I don't know.
I enjoy getting to know people to determine if we share similar ideals.
I don't see the sense in sleeping with someone simply because society says it's cool, only to discover the next day that they're a flat earther or can't clean their teeth (I've seen a lot of posts here of ladies tolerating males who can't even wipe their own arse....come on, acquire some standards).
In the last year, STIs have exploded in major cities, and I've seen that the weirdos have gotten even crazier.
I think the confinement has driven some individuals insane.
I’m 24F and thinking about dating again and I want to know the best ways to avoid guys just looking for a hookup?
I live in a place where there is a strong religious presence. I am not looking to date someone in this religion so it’s so hard to date a “normal” guy. They’re on one side or the other. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get funky just not right off. And in the past I just met guys who lied about their intentions.
What has worked for you and what are some signs to look for??
Just like the title. I see hookup cultured became increasingly popular. I first encountered this notion when I introduced my self to Reddit and it just baffles me. Before I say anything, I don’t care what you choose to do. I don’t care if you like to hookup, how much you do it etc - not interested, not my business, it’s your body, you do you. I don’t judge anyone who does participate in hookups, though I will never do it myself. I see why hookups are attractive to some, as it is basically sex without responsibilities and without any feelings involved (mostly). And I think this does really undermine the importance long term relationships and love in general. Not hookups, but hookup CULTURE and its popularisation along young adults. Everyone choose their ow piece of cake, but I think the more this gets popularised the less people will actually attempt to have long term relationships because hooking up can be seen as an easy way to get sex without any need for commitment. Long term relationships on the other hand are some work, and require responsibility, commitment and compromises. I think those relationships are beautiful. Two people build upon their love, nurture each other, love each other and please each other (ideally). As I see it, this general availability and normalisation of hooking up may undermine this need for a strong relationships in humans, waiting for sex, exploring each other’s needs and together, discovering each other while being committed and monogamous. It is much easier to hook up once and get pleasure than enter a relationship with its ups and downs, of course. But I am fearing that soon people will forget what love is, being focused solely on sex and momental pleasure and then switching to another person. Again, people can do whatever they want. It’s their right. But the issue is still worrisome .
I honestly hate it. However, I think it will get better in the future. As queerness is more and more accepted, I think more people will come out, and start to realise that they ant a real relationship. Even though hookup apps will still be a thing, I think that people will branch off, and look for something special. I think part of the reason for this hookup culture is that queer teens don't get to experience what most straight teens do at that age, and so later on in life is when people use hookups to try and make up for it. This is why I think it will get better, as it becomes more likely that queer teens will experience at least some of the normal experiences
Socially awkward and anxious in my teen and college years, then in a few very long term relationships in 20s/30s. Now single in my 30s and looking to "find" this hookup culture everyone is talking about. Is everyone just doing this via Tinder and other OLD apps now?
Sometimes i wonder if dating apps increased hookup scene in india, or it was already existed.
after hooking up with so many people thru tinder i noticed that guys only approach me w the intent of sex behind a screen. the ones who haven’t and actually tried to get to know me immediately turned me off. i haven’t been in a serious relationship yet. there’s jus something in my mind that won’t let me open up to guys like that. sometimes i feel like i even ward off guys.
i started to realize how little i really respected and valued myself. in general, i think i’m a great person. i would love to be friends with me but that’s where i draw the line. i don’t think i could love someone intimately like that or allow someone to love me in that way and i don’t know why. i’m extremely emotionally unavailable but crave intimacy so much. i want someone to want to get to know me. i want love, but i just can’t accept it.
self love feels so intangible right now. and for a while i thought i thought i had it. i even thought i was embracing it by allowing myself to sexually explore through lots of casual sex. i was happy with being alone. i was happy with no attachments bc that meant my freedom as a young woman about to make a life for myself. (freshman in college) i enjoy my own company and prefer it even but around this time of year i wish i could share my life with someone you know?
hooking up w so many strangers made me a shell of a person. i just feel so lost and helpless right now.
So I've never been in a relationship or done anything intimately. I'm a freshman in college and all anybody seems to wanna do here is hookup :/ and personally, all I want is to just have a relationship for a few months. I went to all girls school for some context...it wasn't because I was waiting. A few nights ago, my cheating floormates have a threesome in my shared shower. I mean people are freaky. I'm assuming it's because they're out of the highschool relationships phase and just want to experiment....but I'm not even at stage 1 of kissing. People always tell me "Oh well relationships aren't worth it, and heartbreak sucks...." but I'd like to atleast experience it to learn. I mean I want to get married one day and I'd like to atleast know how to be with someone. I feel so behind. Like I get excited at the idea that guys would even so much as put their arm around me on the couch watching a movie. And people just say "awww that's cute, you don't even know how to cuddle." It doesn't help that people get shocked when I tell them I haven't had a boyfriend before. All I really want is to feel important to somebody for a little while y'know. Anyways, what can I do? Where do I begin? I'm lost & confused...I need help.
I’m currently 17 about to turn 18 in three months, which means I can finally be on dating/hookup apps. I always see older gay guys talk about hookups and it intrigues me, but I'm not sure, and if I do decide to participate what is some advice you'd give me. Thanks!!
So I want to pre-face this question by saying I’m very sex positive! I’ll never shame women for engaging in hook up culture because hell, sometimes you just wanna have fun! I’m also grateful women can now engage in hook up culture as our feminism ancestors have done a lot of “paving the way” to make this more acceptable for women.
But lately my views on hook up culture has done a 180. I feel like maybe it’s a topic that does have feminism divided in terms of personal opinion.
I despise the terms “slut” “whore”. I feel like hook up culture has been a way for women to take back those terms and reclaim them. But I can’t shake the feeling that overall hookup culture has benefited men more so than women. In reality, we as women we have done a lot of internal work to rid ourselves of shame surrounding consensual casual sex, men haven’t done much work to challenge their internal perceptions of how they view/treat women that engage in hook ups. This is evident by men wanting to engage in sex with as little effort as possible (not wanting to pay for dates and have sex as quickly as possible so they can move on to another girl) but don’t want a girlfriend with a high sex count or sex worker discrimination.
I feel like more than ever men can cheat and treat women as objects because sex is more freely available to them. Lots of guys have been supportive of the equality movement in terms of splitting 50/50, porn and casual sex as it benefits them. But have been slow to change in areas where it requires sacrifice of privilege with little to no benefit to them.
So what I am asking is, has feminism gone to far in this respect? Young girls are often told it is empowering but so many of my friends (and myself included) felt used after a hook up from a guy that wasn’t interested in you as a person and often never orgasming either.
I understand that sometimes women just want a quick hook up with no string attached and you don’t care if you hear from them. I don’t have any thoughts on that. But I do wonder if it is rooted in a desire for connection/validation even if temporary?
Again I have ZERO bad feelings about anyone who does engage in it. I just question whether the direction it’s going is harming or benefitting women. I would love to hear men takes on this as well!
i am not pervert i swear, read and you will understand why I am asking this I am a bosnaik girl (bosniak means something like ethnically Muslim) I came from a Muslim but so liberal father and a Christian serbian mother (she is a bosnian but from serpska republic ... quite a mess in this country) and I ended up celebrating both religions holidays without believing in any one of them so I was in social class and our teacher who happens to be Muslim made a comment that premarital sex and hook up culture are known to be Christian thing but Muslims are known to wait then we started calling each other names, sexually oppressed and the s word depending on your team of course (normal day in bosnia) my father who is a Muslim as I said haid a talk with me about that and said that no sex till marriage means a risk of sexual incompatibility so back to the question does sex life/hookup culture/premarital sex/whatever you call it varry from a state to state or from a religious group to another ?
Hello fellow mediators! I recently told a girl I liked about my feelings and asked if she would wanna per-sue something. She said she’s not ready for a relationship but is willing to “waste my time”. This is cool because I’ll still hang with her with some physical touch and etc but I really want more of an emotional connection. Due to this I’ve kinda been down about the situation but am hopeful. My friends say to not put all my eggs in one basket and to talk to other girls while we go through this phase since I know for a fact that she’s doing the same. As an Introvert and mostly an INFP, I only really like a select few people and can only have feeling for this one chick, I can’t imagine entertaining multiple girls and putting myself out there like that lol.
So for anyone else that can relate, has been through this same kinda predicament or have tips for adjusting to this generations “Hookup Culture” I would really appreciate it because I’ve been an emotional wreck over this and tripping when she doesn’t text me for a while or first.
Edit: After our last “date”,when I told her how I feel, she texted me and said “what you did was brave btw” followed by a “❤️😂”
I have had one night stands before with other men and sometimes I feel dissatisfied afterwards. I will admit that I was once hooked on Grindr and could not stop but now it does not interest me at all. What do you all think of others who say that hookups should not be discouraged? Some say there is too much of a stigma for hookups. I feel like having sex in a relationship is the most healthiest and maybe an open relationship would be fine if consentual. How do you all feel about hookups within gaysians?
I’d love some advice on how everyone had met their someone! Unfortunately it seems as all the dating sites haven’t quite worked in my favor due to those looking for something that isn’t quite my thing. I’ve also tried church or talking to men at my church and it seemed as they were also looking for different things. I feel like God is telling me my person is near, but I’m just not quite sure where to seek them. Id love some advice or even your own personal love story! God Bless!
I struggle a bit with putting myself out there but I haven’t had sex in like 2 years and I miss it lmao. I’m a bit socially awkward so I haven’t really built up the self esteem to just ask anyone unfortunately and if I put hook ups only in my bio on a dating app I feel like that makes me come across a certain way.
Is it just me or is having casual sex just really not a good idea? I just got introduced to it recently and thought it was fun at first but the more I think about it, it just doesn't feel right. Getting intimate with someone somewhat shouldn't be casual. Sure, opinions will differ on this one, I just wished it wasn't normalised that much.
I (34F) just returned to online dating after an 8-month hiatus. I am a bit nervous / anxious, since it's been a while. One thing that makes me disappointed is that a majority of men are looking for ____, ____, or hookups. I know hookups is not a big deal to most people, but I just don't feel comfortable dating a man who is also having casual sex with random women as we explore our potential to be a couple. I am really disappointed that 80-90% of the dating profiles I've seen state that they are also welcoming hookups. For people (especially women) who are not looking for hookups, how do you feel about dating someone who is fine with that? Am I alone in this?
I'll likely be downvoted for this...
ADD:
I did not expect this to blow up! I thought I would be downvoted for being too "traditional", "backwards thinking", or "close-minded" regarding this new hookup culture. Thank you very much for all your comments and supports!
Also, to clarify, the blanks "____" are other relationships types such as "long-term dating", "short-term dating", "new friends", etc that the person lists along with "hookups".
(29M for context) To precede this absolutely massive wall of text I want to say that I’m airing my grievances, looking to hear from people with similar or differing opinions and would love to hear any anecdotes you have about your own experiences.
I ended a 6 year relationship in the beginning of 2021 and entered the casual dating scene. Tinder, bumble, hinge - you know the deal. At first it was fun; I was getting external validation from matches. Even better, out of all my matches, I was able to find many who were witty and funny, had great banter, and could hold an intelligent conversation over otherwise mundane topics. I’d go on dates, they’d go super well, and the sexual connection was spurred into action. But each and every time I felt empty afterwords. So long story short I tried to take the possibility of sex off the table for me. On my first date after that decision, I pulled back on the flirting and kept the sexual undertones to a minimum, and at the end of the night I was ready to go our separate ways - somehow one thing led to another and she asked if she could come back to my place.
Let me fuckin tell you, the morning after, when my body didn’t respond to the passion at all , when I felt unwhole somehow - that kicked off a dark couple of months for me. Eventually I realized a few things.
1. I had fallen right into ruts of the idea that a man has to be a purely sexual being, always on, always ready, and easily excitable.
2. I absolutely need a more mental and emotional connection
3. While not opposed to a serious relationship if a strong connection is present, I am absolutely looking for something low maintenance and casual.
I got back in the dating pool, labeled myself as ENM on these dating apps, included some comments about respecting boundaries and looking for a casual connection but preferring to get to know people first - and since then it has been a bloodbath.
I feel like I’ve put myself , or rather, what I am looking for and what I desire at this time in my life is so indescribably niche. I’d like something meaningful, I’d like to get to know my partners intimately before we get to know each other carnally. I want to enjoy the physical aspects of another person, I want to be attracted to them, turned on by them, I want to be at work and have some imagery of them pop into my head and take over my senses so that I have to reach out and tell them how badly I want them right now. But it is so fucking hard to get
... keep reading on reddit ➡One of my friends is going through a messy breakup and through it all, this girl still wants to use him as friends with benefits while she searches for a better option. This is obviously fucking him up emotionally and I try to explain it to him but he won't listen.
This just brought up a bigger issue with me personally, I don't see how people can go around having sex with anyone and not feel any emotion or at least care/love for the person you're having sex with. It seems like something my generation does a lot. To me, I want to have an emotional bond with someone and then the act of sex with them is more meaningful and 'sacred' (for lack of better term). I seriously lack understanding for hookup culture and fucking people without there being any love, it screws with my mind.
I am curious to know how's the whole hookup culture in Sri Lanka like. Do people even meet for just hookup?
I'm your average 38 bachelor gay dude with a party animal streak that has been playing the field for a looong time. I have had an absolutely tremendous amount of sex over 20 years. I have in my head this idea to, "leave hook up culture, or at least take break from it. I guess this would be no more sex unless I'm actively dating somebody. Has anybody ever done something like this? I have sowed so many wild oats I think it may be time for a change.
