Oh My Gourd! I Made These Gift Card Holders!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MosswoodMama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I am currently one of the world record holders for the Rubik's Cube...

It has been 43 years and I still cannot solve it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EverySingleMinute
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Here’s a key steak holder
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShroomBroom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Beauty lies in the eye of the bee-holder.
πŸ‘︎ 390
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saintwithataint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Bee holder
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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My wife bought me a new hose holder for my birthday...

That was reel nice of her!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one.

So I got a cake

-Mitch Hedberg

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πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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cup holder
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misumis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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I saw an ice cream holder made of polymerized siloxanes at the store today

But I thought "that's just a silly cone"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elDalvini
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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I reattached a cup holder to my son's car seat the other day. My daughter (5yo) taunted him, saying, "I have TWO cup holders!" I told her, "It's not a competition," to which she replied...

"But it is a CUP-etition!"

... I've never been so proud of her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshSamBob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Roach clips are pot holders
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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A thousand dollars for a new Apple monitor holder?

Now that's grandstanding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/titanroller
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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At the pre-screen for Solo, a Star Wars Story. They gave us these in our cup holders. I love nerds. I love puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tritops2018
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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If someone who worked at ikea boasted about there book holders you could call it...

shameless shelf promotion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvenFatso
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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1 cup holder
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NitroNihon
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
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The sting is in the hand of the bee holder.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2014
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I saw one of those selfie cell phone holders the other day and thought that it should be called:

The Narcissus Stick.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mskulker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
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I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company...

I'm the main stake holder.

πŸ‘︎ 618
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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In my opinion, beekeepers are the prettiest people in the world.

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thekuecker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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She said "Why are you holding that ugly great bee?" and I said "It's not ugly to me"

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gil-Gandel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I quizzed my daughter, "If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?" Reluctantly, she admitted, "I have no idea. What?" I chuckled...

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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I just saw real a real idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/parasnohwar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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To celebrate my cake day, I thought I'd give you all a pun.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luigiblade777
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I finally got to cash in on a joke today that I’ve been looking for a reason to use for years

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.

He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostPin
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I got an apiarist to judge my beauty pageant

Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the bee holder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EWL98
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Booty is...

...in the eye of the butt holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottymcss
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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What do you call a butcher with a vested interest in his store?

A steak holder

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...

I'm a steak-holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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As soon as you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them.

That’s when you know that they’ll be a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noel_Fletcher
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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Vampires make great project managers

They always try to keep stake holders happy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Why do beekeepers have the most attractive eyes?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fayette-Phantom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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I used to work at a store that put the teas on the same shelf as the pea pods.

Whenever someone asked where the butterfly pea flower tea was, we would say, β€œBlue tea is in the aisle of the pea holder.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomSFox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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What's the difference between vinyl, 8-track, cds, cassettes, and mp3s ?

With vinyl everyone can be a record holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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Every single beekeeper has famously attractive eyes

Every single one of them. As the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Complete_Gene
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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When a bear shops for a new family car, some features are a must-have.

For instance it needs to have adequate cub holders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Saw a sexy woman poking a man who was drinking in his eyes.

I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiradzim
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Did you hear? One attendee dumped a pot of Earl Grey over another attendee's head at the apiarists' convention.

Truly, brewed tea was in the eye of the bee-holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
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Did you hear about the bee keeper who spilled hot tea on his face?

Brewed Tea is in the eye of the Bee Holder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrainWarden
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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An old beekeeper had been raising bees for years.

An old beekeeper had been raising bees for years. He'd had many bees he gave names to, like Buzz or Stripe or Sting. He got a kick out of naming them and he would spend hours with them crawling on his hands, looking at them, holding them gently and humming little songs.

One year, the hive had a new queen, and she was the most magnificent thing he'd ever seen. He usually gave them clever names like Honey, but this one was just too gorgeous for that. He named her Beauty, and he would hum to her everyday as the sun went down.

One day, during a particularly beautiful sunset, the old man was watching his queen as she peddled around in the palm of his hand, singing to her gently, when a gust of wind suddenly blew some debris toward his face. Without thinking, he reacted, moving his hands fast toward his face, and smashed the queen right into his own eye. And so I guess what they say is true, Beauty really is in the eye of the bee holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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My honey farmer friend is a big fan of Kim Kardashian.

I guess booty is in the eye of the bee holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Why do apiculturists' spouses think that their eyes are beautiful?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_brainfart_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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apple is rumored to release the iPhone X-SE this year to revitalize sales.

Stock holders are TENSE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/microwaveDiamonds
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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I recently joined the track team...

we spent the car ride home talking about the famous world runners and their impressive times and such. When we got home my dad said:

Dad: "You know I'm actually a record holder myself"

Me: "Wait really? In what event?"

Dad runs downstairs and comes back up with the biggest grin on his face, and holding a box of vinyl records

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
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I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company....

I am now the main stake holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?

Beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?

Beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sayinbud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Bee keepers have the prettiest eyes

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cunt_Puffin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2017
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I've just bought 51% of a company specializing in hunting vampires.

I am their main stake holder.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iocaine_powder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2013
🚨︎ report

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