Helene Puns

“Well that’s not a good sign” she said

And a table... And a stool...

Corduroy.

Me-Dad: “Nope never seen her either”.

But it was at its peak in the 80s.

Stolen and butchered from https://xkcd.com/2308: Title text was “It's a good mountain but it really peaked in the 80s.”

She hasn’t

...because you shouldn't put metric prefixes on Troy units.

It was Heaven-scent

...neither did she

Cause she’s dead

I mean I would too if my name was “hnuuugh”

If you want credit go to Helen Waite

Would we say she had a fourth sense about things?

When they handed her a basketball, she kept trying to read it.

They put a plunger in the toilet.

Helen Killer

Neither did she.

She was never Permitted.

Helen Killer

(Technically I haven't heard any joke before, but...)

I was telling my dad about tactile sign, which is what deafblind people use to communicate. It is like signing condensed ASL with someone's hands on yours, and it is what I plan on specializing in when I am a Certified Deaf Interpreter. He brought up Helen Keller and the conversation went as follows.

Dad: "But how many people can really do that? How many people could really communicate with Helen Keller?"

Me: "Well-"

Dad: "PROBABLY JUST A HANDFUL!"

I'm borderline convinced he deafened me as an infant in hopes that someday the set up for this joke would present itself.

Coworker A: “... then I was at the Helen Keller Institute.” Me: “The Helen Keller Institute? I’ve never seen or heard of it.” Coworker B: “That was horrible.” Me: “but necessary”

... (flail hands and fingers wildly).

How come nobody heard her... ... she was wearing mittens!

No need to Helen, I don’t need a whole case of them. One dilla is plenty.

'You look like Helen Brown!'

'Well, you look like shit and blue'

After a day at the air show with out a nap. Me, "Are you tired." Her, "No, I Helen."

Cause you're on Helen Parr

While out walking with the family we saw a bench with a dedication plaque. It read "In Memory of Helen, she walked these meadows with joy". Of course I had no choice but to remark "Why didn't Joy get a bench too?"

Cue involuntary snort of laughter from the wife. Mission accomplished.

then a table, then a chair

Neither did she.

Because she’s dead

Neither did she